I can't believe it's been a year since I have written, and 8 months before that that I wrote anything substantial. It has been such a busy year with Sophie and marriage and nursing school... and ME (oh, how fun it is to live in my head, j/k), though I have been spending time with the LORD, my fearfullness and controllingness have interfered with me 1: listening to the LORD and 2: blessing others. But that's changing, slowly but surely. I am glad.
The other day Sophie got ahold of the TV remote. Through the crazy choreography of biting, flipping it around and passing it from hand to hand she ended up changing the channel, opening the 'saved shows' DVR folder, and turning the volume completely off.. and she had no idea she was doing anything at all. I thought, "she has no idea how much power she has in her hands."
The thought hit me, I wonder if that's what God says about us? "They have NO IDEA how much power they have in their hands." and then, "If they would only listen, if they would only trust me."
LORD I pray that we would honor you and bless you by trusting in you, by following you, that when you say we can do it, because you already have, that we would take heart, stand up and run. Amen.
I love you guys :)
Thursday
Monday
20 July
Yesterday, while i was at windy east beach, this lady walked by letting the wind blow bubbles from her little bubble maker. I didn't notice her right away but the bubbles were everywhere. I thought, isn't that how we are supposed to be? That if we truly follow the Lord that His beautiful presence will be evident wherever we go, regardless if anyone actually sees US?
It was a very awesome moment.
It was a very awesome moment.
Saturday
22 november
"The Lord is my shephard, I shall not want;
he makes me lie down in green pastures, he restores my soul."
He's our shephard.
Think about what shephards do..
He leads his flock from one lush pasture to the next so they can get their fill.
He leads them to water so they are never thirsty.
He watches over his flock as they sleep at night.
He watches so closely that when one goes missing he recognizes the loss and goes to find it.
He protects, watches over, feeds and waters his flock.
The Lord is our shephard.
We have no reason to fear, no reason to worry, no reason not to trust.
What a God!
(Lord, help us to become fearless to trust You! Thank you for loving us THIS much!)
he makes me lie down in green pastures, he restores my soul."
He's our shephard.
Think about what shephards do..
He leads his flock from one lush pasture to the next so they can get their fill.
He leads them to water so they are never thirsty.
He watches over his flock as they sleep at night.
He watches so closely that when one goes missing he recognizes the loss and goes to find it.
He protects, watches over, feeds and waters his flock.
The Lord is our shephard.
We have no reason to fear, no reason to worry, no reason not to trust.
What a God!
(Lord, help us to become fearless to trust You! Thank you for loving us THIS much!)
Friday
21 november
Even at the start of this blog I know it’s going to be along one, so read at your own risk :D
I took my first hike out here two years ago this December. I bought this book called Connecticut Walking Book – East, put on my new winter jacket, new hiking sneakers, my hat, gloves and my little backpack with snacks and water in it (seriously though, who brings that much on a hike??! I was definitely a novice), grabbed Allie and headed out into the bright wintery snow-covered day. I was PREPARED! The book has all these hikes described in it- where to start and what turns to take as you progress through the forest. Out here there is a system of trails all throughout the northeast- the Blueline trail. As you walk you will see trees along the way with a bit of baby-blue spray paint on them, reassuring you that you are still going the right direction. Off of these are red, white, and yellow trails.
Anyway.. It was my first hike, one of my first times in the woods in a million years. To me I was in the middle of the woods. Period. According to the book I was supposed to start at the “stand of oak trees 500 feet from the road.” Oaks? Yeah, I know what an oak tree is but they’re everywhere! But I started anyway. Probably not a good sign of my success that I couldn’t even figure out where to start!
It was such a beautiful, crispy cold, sunshine on my face, fresh air in my lungs kind of wintery day- I loved it! I hadn’t seen a blue-painted tree in awhile but I was definitely on a trail. People hike, dirt bike and quad all around our forests out here so some of the trails have good tire marks in them. Problem is, there’s LOTS of trails, many made by the adventurous dirt-biker that lead off somewhere.. who knows where. But there I am, just wandering around in the winter wonderland.
45 minutes later I sit down for my little snack and some water. Allie bolts off to go chase a deer (seriously.. what do you think she’d do with it if she actually caught it?!?! Though one time she DID find the remains of a deer leg the coyotes had done a good job with- she came back to me with it hanging out of her mouth!) It’s time to turn back. It was about 3pm- the sun sets at 5.So I turn around and start walking.. and walking.. I come to a couple intersections of trails and turn where I remember turning. Then things started looking the same. I started to feel like I was going in circles. I was getting nervous. It was now nearly and hour and 45 minutes. When I came to an intersection I would stomp my foot in the snow. Then I’d compare the print from the tread on my shoe to the others in the snow so I could see if I had been there before and go the way that shoe print directed.
It was RIDICULOUS! I was trying to stay light hearted and appreciate the experience (and the change in the sky as the sun was making its decent) but let’s be honest, I was beyond just a ‘little nervous’.
I FINALLY made my way back to my car nearly 2 ½ hours later- the sun was set but there was a little residual light streaking across the sky to light my way.
________________________________________________________
The other day I was out on one of my hikes with the dogs. I have been hiking around in the Meshomastic State Forest lately- I needed a change from where I have been hiking the last 2 years. It’s a really big place but I have gotten to know it really well. I wanted a change of scenery- literally. The Meshomastic State Forest is where I was on that first hike I just described. I’ve spent about a month in there now so I’m familiar there, too.
As I was hiking, I remembered that first hike clearly- and realized that I just finished hiking part of the trail that I was ‘lost’ on that December day. This day, though, it was so familiar. Even if I veered off the blueline a bit there was no fear. I kind of laughed at myself for how EASY it is to get out of where I was when I thought I was lost. In fact, now I could get out of that trail about 4 different ways. One way brings me out to the dirt road so it’s a straight shot back to my car; another way brings me by a rushing brook where the dogs can climb in up to their elbows and drink; another way brings me away from the birch and oaks and through the pine trees and ferns where the ground is spongy with pine needles, which ends at the sand pits where the dogs LOVE to chase each other; the last way leads me by alongside a long rushing stream just wide enough that I can jump over it and through this little maze of Mountain Laurel.
(And yes, I DO know the difference between this stand of Mountain Laurel and that one over there, now.)
Something that cracked me up the other week.. I was hiking and was about a mile in and came across two people sitting on a boulder. “hi”. They were all “ummm… we’re lost.” (AWESOME!) I was able to figure out where they parked (this particular area has about 6 places you can park your car and enter), it was about 6 miles the other direction, and I was able to describe to them where they needed to go, what landmarks (literally landmarks- like a tree and a rock and a stream), cross over this little bridge and voila! they’d be back. As I walked away I was amazed that I could ‘read’ the forest like this. It’s cool though cuz now I’m not afraid to venture out.
________________________________________________________
I took my first hike out here two years ago this December. I bought this book called Connecticut Walking Book – East, put on my new winter jacket, new hiking sneakers, my hat, gloves and my little backpack with snacks and water in it (seriously though, who brings that much on a hike??! I was definitely a novice), grabbed Allie and headed out into the bright wintery snow-covered day. I was PREPARED! The book has all these hikes described in it- where to start and what turns to take as you progress through the forest. Out here there is a system of trails all throughout the northeast- the Blueline trail. As you walk you will see trees along the way with a bit of baby-blue spray paint on them, reassuring you that you are still going the right direction. Off of these are red, white, and yellow trails.
Anyway.. It was my first hike, one of my first times in the woods in a million years. To me I was in the middle of the woods. Period. According to the book I was supposed to start at the “stand of oak trees 500 feet from the road.” Oaks? Yeah, I know what an oak tree is but they’re everywhere! But I started anyway. Probably not a good sign of my success that I couldn’t even figure out where to start!
It was such a beautiful, crispy cold, sunshine on my face, fresh air in my lungs kind of wintery day- I loved it! I hadn’t seen a blue-painted tree in awhile but I was definitely on a trail. People hike, dirt bike and quad all around our forests out here so some of the trails have good tire marks in them. Problem is, there’s LOTS of trails, many made by the adventurous dirt-biker that lead off somewhere.. who knows where. But there I am, just wandering around in the winter wonderland.
45 minutes later I sit down for my little snack and some water. Allie bolts off to go chase a deer (seriously.. what do you think she’d do with it if she actually caught it?!?! Though one time she DID find the remains of a deer leg the coyotes had done a good job with- she came back to me with it hanging out of her mouth!) It’s time to turn back. It was about 3pm- the sun sets at 5.So I turn around and start walking.. and walking.. I come to a couple intersections of trails and turn where I remember turning. Then things started looking the same. I started to feel like I was going in circles. I was getting nervous. It was now nearly and hour and 45 minutes. When I came to an intersection I would stomp my foot in the snow. Then I’d compare the print from the tread on my shoe to the others in the snow so I could see if I had been there before and go the way that shoe print directed.
It was RIDICULOUS! I was trying to stay light hearted and appreciate the experience (and the change in the sky as the sun was making its decent) but let’s be honest, I was beyond just a ‘little nervous’.
I FINALLY made my way back to my car nearly 2 ½ hours later- the sun was set but there was a little residual light streaking across the sky to light my way.
________________________________________________________
The other day I was out on one of my hikes with the dogs. I have been hiking around in the Meshomastic State Forest lately- I needed a change from where I have been hiking the last 2 years. It’s a really big place but I have gotten to know it really well. I wanted a change of scenery- literally. The Meshomastic State Forest is where I was on that first hike I just described. I’ve spent about a month in there now so I’m familiar there, too.
As I was hiking, I remembered that first hike clearly- and realized that I just finished hiking part of the trail that I was ‘lost’ on that December day. This day, though, it was so familiar. Even if I veered off the blueline a bit there was no fear. I kind of laughed at myself for how EASY it is to get out of where I was when I thought I was lost. In fact, now I could get out of that trail about 4 different ways. One way brings me out to the dirt road so it’s a straight shot back to my car; another way brings me by a rushing brook where the dogs can climb in up to their elbows and drink; another way brings me away from the birch and oaks and through the pine trees and ferns where the ground is spongy with pine needles, which ends at the sand pits where the dogs LOVE to chase each other; the last way leads me by alongside a long rushing stream just wide enough that I can jump over it and through this little maze of Mountain Laurel.
(And yes, I DO know the difference between this stand of Mountain Laurel and that one over there, now.)
Something that cracked me up the other week.. I was hiking and was about a mile in and came across two people sitting on a boulder. “hi”. They were all “ummm… we’re lost.” (AWESOME!) I was able to figure out where they parked (this particular area has about 6 places you can park your car and enter), it was about 6 miles the other direction, and I was able to describe to them where they needed to go, what landmarks (literally landmarks- like a tree and a rock and a stream), cross over this little bridge and voila! they’d be back. As I walked away I was amazed that I could ‘read’ the forest like this. It’s cool though cuz now I’m not afraid to venture out.
________________________________________________________
I learned to walk when I was maybe a year old?
I learned to see the minute I was born.
No big deal!
Because of these super-hero abilities of mine I could see and walk around in the forest.
But I didn’t know my way.
Every turn caused me a bit of anxiety as I tried to ingrain in my mind which way I was turning so I could make the right choice on the way back. I had very little confidence.
Now I understand it. I know myself in the woods. I can read the landscape and without trepidation venture out and find new trails. I don’t fear anymore, even if I find myself on a new trail, because even though things are new I can recognize parts of other trails as I cross them and am able to orient myself. I recognize fallen trees! (this is too funny!)
________________________________________________________
I can’t even remember how long I’ve been hanging out with the Lord- since I was 4 maybe? Anyway, I was young. I new what it was like to be in a church- that we sing and pray and listen to a preacher. I knew that Jesus died on the cross to save us.
These things were like learning to how to see and how to walk.
But again, I didn't know my way.
But I’d get out in the ‘real world’ of friends and school and family that didn’t know God and I wouldn’t know how to be. How do I share God? How do I be available for them? (How do I get out of the forest?)
Imagine knowing God the way I have come to know the forest!? I have spent hours out there walking, running, hiking, venturing off, sitting on a rock and looking out, taking a quick nap.. it was through TIME that I grew in confidence and knowledge so that I could read the forest.
How do I get to know God like that?
Like instead of walking into this 100 acre forest with no direction whatsoever I can walk in recognizing stumps and streams and have (learned) instinctive internal compass that I rely on now.
It's through time.
Just being with the Lord.
Praying for his will to be manifest in me.
That he would find me a willing daughter to pour himself into.
...and listening, not filling every second of my prayer and life with words.. JUST LISTEN.
I could then help other people who were ‘lost’ because of my knowledge of him. And even if I ended up in an unfamiliar situation (like a new trail) I would have confidence with how to approach it because I had spent the time to know the language of God in my own life and how he had worked in similar situations.
I am excited to know God like this. And isn’t it awesome that we serve a God who already knows US like that?!?
“If you seek me you will find me if you seek me with all of your heart.”
Monday
27 october
I have things floating around in my brain but with the combination of school, procrastination on school work and disorganization with school (OH school, how i love you) I don't find the time to sit and write. Honestly, I'd RATHER write but my feelings of guilt get the better of me. If I am sitting here at my computer I should be sitting here doing work. So, instead of writing OR doing school work today I vacuumed the house, washed the dishes, washed 2 loads of laundry, went on a hike, slept for 2 hours (hey, I had wicked tough exam this morning, I needed to rest my brain! haha), baked banana bread, watched Ugly Betty (does resting my brain sound familiar?) and spent more than my normal 1/2 hour with the Lord, which was awesome.. And now it's 8:30, I've got a clean house, clean clothes, banana bread aroma and a setteled heart.. and no completed school work for tomorrow.
I LOVE THAT! :D
why can't I just get paid $65K a year to procrastinate.. I'm SO GOOD at it!
I've been taking the doggies on two new-ish hikes around here- to Eastbury Pond and in the meshomastic state forest. Eastbury is little pond that you can walk around in under 10 minutes so while the dogs are going on their adventures I walk around the pond. The other day I was looking at the really amazing autumny trees and their reflection in the water. It was really pretty, the pond was almost glass so the reflection was near identical to the reality. Soon though a little wind blew by and ruffled up the water a bit making the reflection jumbled.
I've been spending time with God and praying that this time around the mountain of my life I can actually 'let go' and move from this sort of stuck place in my life with healing. For whatever reason I identified a lot with the moving water and blurred reflection. When the water is still, the beautiful trees are seen twice as much! You don't ever need to look up to know just how beautiful those trees and the sky are, it's an exact replica (well.. ok... almost.. except for the upsidedown part) right there reflecting back at you. All peaceful.
It's pure and truthful.
But then this wind comes and swirls up the surface and depending on just how much turbulence is made you may not really know what is in the reflection. You see the water and a skewed and inaccurate mush of colors jumbled all over the surface, if you can see anything at all.
What is it in my life that is constantly causing turbulence? If truth is that crisp and clear reflection that is completely understandable and brings an "ah" from my mouth, then what is it that is causing the water to move? I know that the Lord offers clarity. He isn't trying to hide from me and make himself too mysterious and unknowable (though or course we won't know him COMPLETELY til we see him). I imagine that if the reflection of me in the water were clear and focused it would be the woman the Lord dreamt of when he made me... the woman I AM but am having a hard time accepting. There's something (or somethingS) in my life that are causing the water to be all turned up and the reflection unclear. Like a stream emptying into the pond- it's constant. Like an unintentionally repeated voice from my past that tells me I'm not good enough or guilt or shame or a feeling of failure or not measuring up. These things are like the wind or a stream. I look into the reflection of my life and I don't see God, I don't see the beauty in me that is Him- I see a me that's all convoluted and distorted. There is very little peace, truth or purity in that. There is little opportunity to see the life of God in that.
I think the point I (we?) was meant to understand is that I need to identify those things in my life that are constant, inaccurate and cause turbulance to my reflection. When I identify those things and dam them up the surface will become clear and then all of a sudden I will see the true 'me'. Seeing 'me' as a reflection of God will bring a peace that I may never fully understand. Pure, peace-filled truth.
Now that I'm writing this I'm remembering a book I read with a similar analogy... (Invitation to Solitude and Silence)
"Ruth, you are like a jar or river water all shaken up. What you need is to sit long enough that the sediment can settle and the water can become clear.... Even though my mind had a hard time grasping what this settling would actually be like, the image of the jar of river water captured what I knew to be true about myself. I could not avoid the realization that I was the jar of river water all shaken up and the sediment that swirled inside the jar was the busyness, the emotions, the thoughts, the inner wrestlings I had not been able to control.... To be still long enough so the swirling sediment could settle, the waters of my soul could become clear, and I could see whatever it was that needed to be seen... well, that image called to me with the hope of peace, clarity and a deeper level of certainty in God than I had yet known"
If we could see our lives in the truth of the Lord- with clarity and accuracy- don't you think we would be so much more useful for others? We'd really know our strengths and lovingly function from them.
THAT would be very cool!
Have a happy day you guys. I hope that you sense God in everthing that you do.
:)
I LOVE THAT! :D
why can't I just get paid $65K a year to procrastinate.. I'm SO GOOD at it!
I've been taking the doggies on two new-ish hikes around here- to Eastbury Pond and in the meshomastic state forest. Eastbury is little pond that you can walk around in under 10 minutes so while the dogs are going on their adventures I walk around the pond. The other day I was looking at the really amazing autumny trees and their reflection in the water. It was really pretty, the pond was almost glass so the reflection was near identical to the reality. Soon though a little wind blew by and ruffled up the water a bit making the reflection jumbled.
I've been spending time with God and praying that this time around the mountain of my life I can actually 'let go' and move from this sort of stuck place in my life with healing. For whatever reason I identified a lot with the moving water and blurred reflection. When the water is still, the beautiful trees are seen twice as much! You don't ever need to look up to know just how beautiful those trees and the sky are, it's an exact replica (well.. ok... almost.. except for the upsidedown part) right there reflecting back at you. All peaceful.
It's pure and truthful.
But then this wind comes and swirls up the surface and depending on just how much turbulence is made you may not really know what is in the reflection. You see the water and a skewed and inaccurate mush of colors jumbled all over the surface, if you can see anything at all.
What is it in my life that is constantly causing turbulence? If truth is that crisp and clear reflection that is completely understandable and brings an "ah" from my mouth, then what is it that is causing the water to move? I know that the Lord offers clarity. He isn't trying to hide from me and make himself too mysterious and unknowable (though or course we won't know him COMPLETELY til we see him). I imagine that if the reflection of me in the water were clear and focused it would be the woman the Lord dreamt of when he made me... the woman I AM but am having a hard time accepting. There's something (or somethingS) in my life that are causing the water to be all turned up and the reflection unclear. Like a stream emptying into the pond- it's constant. Like an unintentionally repeated voice from my past that tells me I'm not good enough or guilt or shame or a feeling of failure or not measuring up. These things are like the wind or a stream. I look into the reflection of my life and I don't see God, I don't see the beauty in me that is Him- I see a me that's all convoluted and distorted. There is very little peace, truth or purity in that. There is little opportunity to see the life of God in that.
I think the point I (we?) was meant to understand is that I need to identify those things in my life that are constant, inaccurate and cause turbulance to my reflection. When I identify those things and dam them up the surface will become clear and then all of a sudden I will see the true 'me'. Seeing 'me' as a reflection of God will bring a peace that I may never fully understand. Pure, peace-filled truth.
Now that I'm writing this I'm remembering a book I read with a similar analogy... (Invitation to Solitude and Silence)
"Ruth, you are like a jar or river water all shaken up. What you need is to sit long enough that the sediment can settle and the water can become clear.... Even though my mind had a hard time grasping what this settling would actually be like, the image of the jar of river water captured what I knew to be true about myself. I could not avoid the realization that I was the jar of river water all shaken up and the sediment that swirled inside the jar was the busyness, the emotions, the thoughts, the inner wrestlings I had not been able to control.... To be still long enough so the swirling sediment could settle, the waters of my soul could become clear, and I could see whatever it was that needed to be seen... well, that image called to me with the hope of peace, clarity and a deeper level of certainty in God than I had yet known"
If we could see our lives in the truth of the Lord- with clarity and accuracy- don't you think we would be so much more useful for others? We'd really know our strengths and lovingly function from them.
THAT would be very cool!
Have a happy day you guys. I hope that you sense God in everthing that you do.
:)
today
can someone please help me understand this:
Allie, Coop and I were out for a mountain bike ride (yes, I've trained them well! Coop still has training wheels tho) and I look behind me to see Allie, on her back, wriggling all around like crazy. I'm thinking, "well this is kind of odd."
So I ride over to her and she's up on her feet sniffing at this decaying black nastiness of a dead mouse.. and then she about rubs herself in it again until I stopped her! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!?
Dogs are so SO gross.
:/
Allie, Coop and I were out for a mountain bike ride (yes, I've trained them well! Coop still has training wheels tho) and I look behind me to see Allie, on her back, wriggling all around like crazy. I'm thinking, "well this is kind of odd."
So I ride over to her and she's up on her feet sniffing at this decaying black nastiness of a dead mouse.. and then she about rubs herself in it again until I stopped her! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!?
Dogs are so SO gross.
:/
Thursday
16 october
i was thinking about last night's entry in my blog when i was falling asleep last night.. i must sound so crazy! yes, i think i am turning into that crazy dog lady!
so i get this email from my sister.. totally cracked me up! (you know when you laugh outloud all by yourself that it's gotta be funny) ..'bessie' is her dog
That was cool, sarah :)
I love it when my god, bessie sneezes in my face and bows down to me with her butt in the air...
I love you God :)
j/k!!! I get it!!
Love you,
georgia
so i get this email from my sister.. totally cracked me up! (you know when you laugh outloud all by yourself that it's gotta be funny) ..'bessie' is her dog
That was cool, sarah :)
I love it when my god, bessie sneezes in my face and bows down to me with her butt in the air...
I love you God :)
j/k!!! I get it!!
Love you,
georgia
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