..just thinking....

july 8, 2010!!

2010-07-08T14:36:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it's been a year since I have written, and 8 months before that that I wrote anything substantial. It has been such a busy year with Sophie and marriage and nursing school... and ME (oh, how fun it is to live in my head, j/k), though I have been spending time with the LORD, my fearfullness and controllingness have interfered with me 1: listening to the LORD and 2: blessing others. But that's changing, slowly but surely. I am glad.

The other day Sophie got ahold of the TV remote. Through the crazy choreography of biting, flipping it around and passing it from hand to hand she ended up changing the channel, opening the 'saved shows' DVR folder, and turning the volume completely off.. and she had no idea she was doing anything at all. I thought, "she has no idea how much power she has in her hands."

The thought hit me, I wonder if that's what God says about us? "They have NO IDEA how much power they have in their hands." and then, "If they would only listen, if they would only trust me."

LORD I pray that we would honor you and bless you by trusting in you, by following you, that when you say we can do it, because you already have, that we would take heart, stand up and run. Amen.

I love you guys :)

20 July

2009-07-20T21:34:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, while i was at windy east beach, this lady walked by letting the wind blow bubbles from her little bubble maker. I didn't notice her right away but the bubbles were everywhere. I thought, isn't that how we are supposed to be? That if we truly follow the Lord that His beautiful presence will be evident wherever we go, regardless if anyone actually sees US?

It was a very awesome moment.

22 november

2008-11-22T18:03:00.001-05:00

"The Lord is my shephard, I shall not want;
he makes me lie down in green pastures, he restores my soul."

He's our shephard.

Think about what shephards do..
He leads his flock from one lush pasture to the next so they can get their fill.
He leads them to water so they are never thirsty.
He watches over his flock as they sleep at night.
He watches so closely that when one goes missing he recognizes the loss and goes to find it.

He protects, watches over, feeds and waters his flock.

The Lord is our shephard.
We have no reason to fear, no reason to worry, no reason not to trust.

What a God!

(Lord, help us to become fearless to trust You! Thank you for loving us THIS much!)

21 november

2008-11-21T08:17:00.000-05:00

Even at the start of this blog I know it’s going to be along one, so read at your own risk :D

I took my first hike out here two years ago this December. I bought this book called Connecticut Walking Book – East, put on my new winter jacket, new hiking sneakers, my hat, gloves and my little backpack with snacks and water in it (seriously though, who brings that much on a hike??! I was definitely a novice), grabbed Allie and headed out into the bright wintery snow-covered day. I was PREPARED! The book has all these hikes described in it- where to start and what turns to take as you progress through the forest. Out here there is a system of trails all throughout the northeast- the Blueline trail. As you walk you will see trees along the way with a bit of baby-blue spray paint on them, reassuring you that you are still going the right direction. Off of these are red, white, and yellow trails.

Anyway.. It was my first hike, one of my first times in the woods in a million years. To me I was in the middle of the woods. Period. According to the book I was supposed to start at the “stand of oak trees 500 feet from the road.” Oaks? Yeah, I know what an oak tree is but they’re everywhere! But I started anyway. Probably not a good sign of my success that I couldn’t even figure out where to start!

It was such a beautiful, crispy cold, sunshine on my face, fresh air in my lungs kind of wintery day- I loved it! I hadn’t seen a blue-painted tree in awhile but I was definitely on a trail. People hike, dirt bike and quad all around our forests out here so some of the trails have good tire marks in them. Problem is, there’s LOTS of trails, many made by the adventurous dirt-biker that lead off somewhere.. who knows where. But there I am, just wandering around in the winter wonderland.

45 minutes later I sit down for my little snack and some water. Allie bolts off to go chase a deer (seriously.. what do you think she’d do with it if she actually caught it?!?! Though one time she DID find the remains of a deer leg the coyotes had done a good job with- she came back to me with it hanging out of her mouth!) It’s time to turn back. It was about 3pm- the sun sets at 5.So I turn around and start walking.. and walking.. I come to a couple intersections of trails and turn where I remember turning. Then things started looking the same. I started to feel like I was going in circles. I was getting nervous. It was now nearly and hour and 45 minutes. When I came to an intersection I would stomp my foot in the snow. Then I’d compare the print from the tread on my shoe to the others in the snow so I could see if I had been there before and go the way that shoe print directed.

It was RIDICULOUS! I was trying to stay light hearted and appreciate the experience (and the change in the sky as the sun was making its decent) but let’s be honest, I was beyond just a ‘little nervous’.

I FINALLY made my way back to my car nearly 2 ½ hours later- the sun was set but there was a little residual light streaking across the sky to light my way.

________________________________________________________

The other day I was out on one of my hikes with the dogs. I have been hiking around in the Meshomastic State Forest lately- I needed a change from where I have been hiking the last 2 years. It’s a really big place but I have gotten to know it really well. I wanted a change of scenery- literally. The Meshomastic State Forest is where I was on that first hike I just described. I’ve spent about a month in there now so I’m familiar there, too.

As I was hiking, I remembered that first hike clearly- and realized that I just finished hiking part of the trail that I was ‘lost’ on that December day. This day, though, it was so familiar. Even if I veered off the blueline a bit there was no fear. I kind of laughed at myself for how EASY it is to get out of where I was when I thought I was lost. In fact, now I could get out of that trail about 4 different ways. One way brings me out to the dirt road so it’s a straight shot back to my car; another way brings me by a rushing brook where the dogs can climb in up to their elbows and drink; another way brings me away from the birch and oaks and through the pine trees and ferns where the ground is spongy with pine needles, which ends at the sand pits where the dogs LOVE to chase each other; the last way leads me by alongside a long rushing stream just wide enough that I can jump over it and through this little maze of Mountain Laurel.

(And yes, I DO know the difference between this stand of Mountain Laurel and that one over there, now.)

Something that cracked me up the other week.. I was hiking and was about a mile in and came across two people sitting on a boulder. “hi”. They were all “ummm… we’re lost.” (AWESOME!) I was able to figure out where they parked (this particular area has about 6 places you can park your car and enter), it was about 6 miles the other direction, and I was able to describe to them where they needed to go, what landmarks (literally landmarks- like a tree and a rock and a stream), cross over this little bridge and voila! they’d be back. As I walked away I was amazed that I could ‘read’ the forest like this. It’s cool though cuz now I’m not afraid to venture out.

________________________________________________________

I learned to walk when I was maybe a year old?
I learned to see the minute I was born.
No big deal!
Because of these super-hero abilities of mine I could see and walk around in the forest.

But I didn’t know my way.

Every turn caused me a bit of anxiety as I tried to ingrain in my mind which way I was turning so I could make the right choice on the way back. I had very little confidence.

Now I understand it. I know myself in the woods. I can read the landscape and without trepidation venture out and find new trails. I don’t fear anymore, even if I find myself on a new trail, because even though things are new I can recognize parts of other trails as I cross them and am able to orient myself. I recognize fallen trees! (this is too funny!)

________________________________________________________

I can’t even remember how long I’ve been hanging out with the Lord- since I was 4 maybe? Anyway, I was young. I new what it was like to be in a church- that we sing and pray and listen to a preacher. I knew that Jesus died on the cross to save us.

These things were like learning to how to see and how to walk.
But again, I didn't know my way.

But I’d get out in the ‘real world’ of friends and school and family that didn’t know God and I wouldn’t know how to be. How do I share God? How do I be available for them? (How do I get out of the forest?)

Imagine knowing God the way I have come to know the forest!? I have spent hours out there walking, running, hiking, venturing off, sitting on a rock and looking out, taking a quick nap.. it was through TIME that I grew in confidence and knowledge so that I could read the forest.

How do I get to know God like that?
Like instead of walking into this 100 acre forest with no direction whatsoever I can walk in recognizing stumps and streams and have (learned) instinctive internal compass that I rely on now.

It's through time.
Just being with the Lord.
Praying for his will to be manifest in me.
That he would find me a willing daughter to pour himself into.
...and listening, not filling every second of my prayer and life with words.. JUST LISTEN.

I could then help other people who were ‘lost’ because of my knowledge of him. And even if I ended up in an unfamiliar situation (like a new trail) I would have confidence with how to approach it because I had spent the time to know the language of God in my own life and how he had worked in similar situations.

I am excited to know God like this. And isn’t it awesome that we serve a God who already knows US like that?!?

“If you seek me you will find me if you seek me with all of your heart.”

27 october

2008-10-27T20:23:00.015-04:00

I have things floating around in my brain but with the combination of school, procrastination on school work and disorganization with school (OH school, how i love you) I don't find the time to sit and write. Honestly, I'd RATHER write but my feelings of guilt get the better of me. If I am sitting here at my computer I should be sitting here doing work. So, instead of writing OR doing school work today I vacuumed the house, washed the dishes, washed 2 loads of laundry, went on a hike, slept for 2 hours (hey, I had wicked tough exam this morning, I needed to rest my brain! haha), baked banana bread, watched Ugly Betty (does resting my brain sound familiar?) and spent more than my normal 1/2 hour with the Lord, which was awesome.. And now it's 8:30, I've got a clean house, clean clothes, banana bread aroma and a setteled heart.. and no completed school work for tomorrow.

I LOVE THAT! :D

why can't I just get paid $65K a year to procrastinate.. I'm SO GOOD at it!

I've been taking the doggies on two new-ish hikes around here- to Eastbury Pond and in the meshomastic state forest. Eastbury is little pond that you can walk around in under 10 minutes so while the dogs are going on their adventures I walk around the pond. The other day I was looking at the really amazing autumny trees and their reflection in the water. It was really pretty, the pond was almost glass so the reflection was near identical to the reality. Soon though a little wind blew by and ruffled up the water a bit making the reflection jumbled.

I've been spending time with God and praying that this time around the mountain of my life I can actually 'let go' and move from this sort of stuck place in my life with healing. For whatever reason I identified a lot with the moving water and blurred reflection. When the water is still, the beautiful trees are seen twice as much! You don't ever need to look up to know just how beautiful those trees and the sky are, it's an exact replica (well.. ok... almost.. except for the upsidedown part) right there reflecting back at you. All peaceful.

It's pure and truthful.

But then this wind comes and swirls up the surface and depending on just how much turbulence is made you may not really know what is in the reflection. You see the water and a skewed and inaccurate mush of colors jumbled all over the surface, if you can see anything at all.

What is it in my life that is constantly causing turbulence? If truth is that crisp and clear reflection that is completely understandable and brings an "ah" from my mouth, then what is it that is causing the water to move? I know that the Lord offers clarity. He isn't trying to hide from me and make himself too mysterious and unknowable (though or course we won't know him COMPLETELY til we see him). I imagine that if the reflection of me in the water were clear and focused it would be the woman the Lord dreamt of when he made me... the woman I AM but am having a hard time accepting. There's something (or somethingS) in my life that are causing the water to be all turned up and the reflection unclear. Like a stream emptying into the pond- it's constant. Like an unintentionally repeated voice from my past that tells me I'm not good enough or guilt or shame or a feeling of failure or not measuring up. These things are like the wind or a stream. I look into the reflection of my life and I don't see God, I don't see the beauty in me that is Him- I see a me that's all convoluted and distorted. There is very little peace, truth or purity in that. There is little opportunity to see the life of God in that.

I think the point I (we?) was meant to understand is that I need to identify those things in my life that are constant, inaccurate and cause turbulance to my reflection. When I identify those things and dam them up the surface will become clear and then all of a sudden I will see the true 'me'. Seeing 'me' as a reflection of God will bring a peace that I may never fully understand. Pure, peace-filled truth.

Now that I'm writing this I'm remembering a book I read with a similar analogy... (Invitation to Solitude and Silence)
"Ruth, you are like a jar or river water all shaken up. What you need is to sit long enough that the sediment can settle and the water can become clear.... Even though my mind had a hard time grasping what this settling would actually be like, the image of the jar of river water captured what I knew to be true about myself. I could not avoid the realization that I was the jar of river water all shaken up and the sediment that swirled inside the jar was the busyness, the emotions, the thoughts, the inner wrestlings I had not been able to control.... To be still long enough so the swirling sediment could settle, the waters of my soul could become clear, and I could see whatever it was that needed to be seen... well, that image called to me with the hope of peace, clarity and a deeper level of certainty in God than I had yet known"

If we could see our lives in the truth of the Lord- with clarity and accuracy- don't you think we would be so much more useful for others? We'd really know our strengths and lovingly function from them.

THAT would be very cool!

Have a happy day you guys. I hope that you sense God in everthing that you do.
:)

today

2008-10-20T20:16:00.003-04:00

can someone please help me understand this:

Allie, Coop and I were out for a mountain bike ride (yes, I've trained them well! Coop still has training wheels tho) and I look behind me to see Allie, on her back, wriggling all around like crazy. I'm thinking, "well this is kind of odd."

So I ride over to her and she's up on her feet sniffing at this decaying black nastiness of a dead mouse.. and then she about rubs herself in it again until I stopped her! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!?

Dogs are so SO gross.

:/

16 october

2008-10-16T18:36:00.004-04:00

i was thinking about last night's entry in my blog when i was falling asleep last night.. i must sound so crazy! yes, i think i am turning into that crazy dog lady!

so i get this email from my sister.. totally cracked me up! (you know when you laugh outloud all by yourself that it's gotta be funny) ..'bessie' is her dog

That was cool, sarah :)
I love it when my god, bessie sneezes in my face and bows down to me with her butt in the air...
I love you God :)
j/k!!! I get it!!

Love you,
georgia

15 october

2008-10-15T21:37:00.005-04:00

Last night as I was laying in bed on my way to sleep, with Cooper cuddling beside me, I was feeling far from god. There's no reason and I know he promises he's always with us but it was just one of those times. Usually I can talk to him and he feels present but last night I was looking up at the ceiling and feeling that he was just 'out there', out of reach. :( I prayed that he would meet me, just to let me know he was near cuz it was a sucky feeling, especially since I was already feeling lonely and exhausted from school.. just in need of someone to lean into.

My mind went right to Cooper, this big, cozy, fuzzy, loving, 75-pound lap dog laying with his head on my crest, nose to my chin (just as close as he could possibly be). I was like, "yeah.. so?" And all of a sudden it dawned on me that God was right there, right there with me. As silly as it sounds I realized that the Lord was showing me his presence through this wonderful dog snuggling in beside me. He gave me this friend.. this friend that couldn't get any closer to me even if he tried. This friend that was there just for me and loved me more than anything else, even more than his blue stuffed-animal-lamb. It took me a minute to really accept Cooper as the Lord showing me his presence with me, that seemed too easy, too humble. But it was. God was just THERE.

I was exhausted and a bit overwhelmed on my way to school this morning at 8.. seems no matter how much work I do for school I am perpetually unprepared.. it's the nature of nursing school. I got up at 4:20 this morning to get a good 3 hours of studying in before class. I've been doing that most every weekday for the last 3 weeks. This morning it just really hit me. I was nearing the exit for school, staring off into space (thankfully some part of my mind was on the road!). Everything was a bit out-of-focus as I just slowly succombed to the feeling of being worn out, a bit lonely and a bit blue.

As I exited I found my chin lifting off the pavement and noticed, out my window, the forest of trees that lined the exit ramp. It's autumn so I am getting used to the slowly changing trees but there was something about THESE trees that was incredibly vibrant and captivating. I don't know if it was the bright red-yellow-orange-magenta trees themselves or how the morning light played off them but regardless they totally caught my attention. My blurriness sharpened and my blue-ness lifted. It was god, I swear! He was like "I'm here, just look around you! I am here!" It was subtle and so good that I cried in about 1.3 seconds.

It's just like him to meet us, to love us right where we are. The hard part is recognizing him in the midst of life. I am so glad he got my attention with the blessings he gave me right here.

I hope you guys can too.

Thank you , father.

14 october

2008-10-14T21:53:00.002-04:00

here's an awesome quote!

"If you can't be a highway, be a trail. If you can't be the sun, be a star. It isn't by size that you win or fail. Be the best of whoever you are."

13 october

2008-10-13T21:35:00.002-04:00

how come time goes by so stinkin' fast? I've had some stuff to write but not enough time to write it. :/

.. i have time right now but i don't feel like writing!! :( my heart's not in it and it needs to be for me to write anything worth reading. I've had a lot coming at me over the past 2 weeks so i think i need time to just let life settle in and slow down.

---------------------
I know that the Lord has been wanting me to take some time to just be with him. Last year nearly this exact same time I was in this incredible place with the Lord where I just knew he was moving me into 'newness' and healing. I met Josh and it was such a cool thing that even though I felt like it was too fast and the wrong time (the Lord wasn't finished with me yet! and he was doing some cool stuff w/ Josh, too) and I didn't want to get i the way, we ignored that stuff and just dated anyway. Well now, a year later, God is bringing me back to that place; asking me to just be with him.. get back to the place I was last year. So... I'm taking the next 3 months to do that. Josh knows where I'm at and understands. I don't have any idea what's going to happen with us until January but only seeing him at church is going to be hard. Already has been. It's like being on a diet but really really wanting to eat some chocolate. It's that kind of feeling in my heart. I guess it's lonliness? I am meeting with an elder and his wife during the week for accountability and to be mentored. They are very cool people.

If any of you want to be praying for me, I so far understand that god is working me through some resentments, anger and unforgiveness and what he brought to me today is how much I have idolized being in a relationship (marriage) and it will be my sure footing and solid foundation. um.. NO! Probably not! I never realized that's where I am. I always thought my feelings about being married were solid and good. But god's gotta be that, nothing else. I need to see tings more clearly- that a marriage would be a blessing but that the Lord is my sure foundation.

hmph...

I went to north carolina last weekend (WOW that was a long drive!) to see my friend Lori get married. She was beautiful, so so beautiful. Like me, she has desired this for a long time and I am really pround of her for being courageous enough to do it. Her husband seems really great.. from the 5 minutes I got to meet him!

I slept in my car over night.. it was like camping! It was so nice waking up to birds chit-chatting, the huge green trees shading the road and the chilly breeze coming through the window. I haven't gotten to go camping this year so that was really nice (except for the cramped knees part. ha)

And school. It's still great, and it's still a lot of work.

that's all. I'll write more in a couple days.

remind me: reflection in eastbury pond

1 october

2008-10-01T23:43:00.001-04:00

happy october!
:)

it's late and i'm tired...

2008-10-01T23:37:00.002-04:00

a few questions...

1- Why do squirrels like to throw pinecones at you when you walk beneath a pine tree? (come on, you KNOW this has happened to you!)

2- How do chipmunks move so stinkin' fast?

3-Why do my dogs do such crazy things like jump out the car window while its moving!?

4- How can the Lord be so totally amazing that he loves us in spite of all our crap?

5- Why do I have to check facebook, hotmail and my blog to keep up with friends.. Wasn't the computer supposed to make things easier? (oh wait, that's 2 questions)

7- Why are you reading this nonsense? :D

24 sept

2008-09-24T22:43:00.002-04:00

i'm tired....
this nursing school thing is kicking my a**

:/

(but it's very awesome!)

20 september

2008-09-20T16:42:00.004-04:00

I was weeding the ground in my little garden yesterday. I haven't done it for awhile so the weeds were kind of ridiculous. Here's a thought- how come we don't just grow weeds? Some of them have nice flowers and they grow EVERYWHERE... without miracle grow or cow poop or anything!

Anyway.. so I'm pulling out the huge tall weeds that and the short little stubby ones that like to grow under the gravel, grabbing them at the base and pulling slow, so the roots would come out too. I didn't like doing it at all but what it looks like afterwards is so nice, and getting the whole weed out, roots and all, is such a satisfying feeling. I recognized this satisfaction because when I'd get to a weed that would break at the base it was so UNsatisfying. That damn weed! And you KNOW the stinkin' thing is going to grow right back cuz of the roots. The big tall ones came right out but those short guys are the ones that were so stubborn. Does anyone out there get me?

So I'm out in nature (it's hard to believe that weeds are 'nature' huh?) and I start to think, I wonder if that’s how God is with us? The crappy parts of character being the weeds. For instance- a tendancy toward a crappy attitude, bad temper, criticism and judgement of other people, abuse, addiction.... He can easily pull out some of the stuff, roots and all, with a feeling of satisfaction- some of the big, obnoxious, easily noticeable stuff.

On the other hand there are things that are deeper and darker and in that much more controlling. These are things that come up every once in awhile and I realize just how much I hate these parts of my charater because they keep me from being toward God and others in my life the woman he desires me to be- those things that are more ‘rooted’. When he goes to pull that stuff out, to free us, though we give him a good grasp we hold on just tight enough to it that he can’t get the roots. And so those things have to take some time to incubate and then start growing to the surface again so that we can give God yet another chance. Take me for instance- I sometimes struggle with the type of fear that is momentarily crippling.

I can see that I am under control of fear so I ask that Lord to help me conquer it. (He is SO happy to walk us into his perfect peace that he is right there immediately when invited.) So he pulls on the weed, I sense a freedom from this fear so I start to forget to be as persistant in prayer and lean on the Lord, and the base breaks.

And the Lord's all- "you stupid STUPID untrusting girl! now the roots are still in there and it's going to have to grow back again before I can get another shot at freeing you from this!" Can't you just sense the feeling of unsatisfaction?

I sometimes wonder why it's so much more comfortable to not let the Lord clean our lives free from the deep things that have the ability to control us.

Wouldn't it be cool to live as a beautifully tended garden that blesses, comforts and pleases everyone who visits? :D

19 september

2008-09-19T17:25:00.000-04:00

I should probably write some sort of update, huh?

ironman.. i finished it in 8 hours 32 minutes 47 seconds.
;)
i didn't do it but my friend who signed up with me did and she was AWESOME! I tracked her all day online and she finished in 13:02, which is remarkable. I had goosebumps all day though, so I am definitely going to do one, one day soon. It's just that..

..I'm in nursing school (YAY!)! so I really couldn't get enough time to train properly for it so that dream will have to wait for a bit. Nursing school's been a dream for much longer. So I started the actual program in May and I finish next August with a BS in nursing from Saint Joseph College in West Hartford. There is about one moment a week when I get a spontaneous smile realizing that I really am going to be a nurse! I cried (happy tears) pulling into the stupid hospital campus for the first time two weeks ago! Next Tuesday I start my forst day actually workinig with a nurse on the floor. Tuesday is Labor and Delivery and Thursday is Med-Surg. :D

I have 2 doggies now, Allie and Cooper. They are very awesome. Scroll down a bit and you will find pictures of them the day I adopted him in february. They're friends now. Coop is a big huge lap dog.. VERY snuggly but so stinkin' funny when we are outside cuz he's crazy and goofy. I swear my neighbors think I'm a weirdo because I'm laughing at him.

Actually, my neighbor are pretty cool. I live on a short road of 6 houses and save for the meanies at the very end I really like everyone. Whenever I am ourside walking with the dogs there's usually one or two of them out so we chit chat. It's a good feeling to have a neighborhood.

Church is great. I love it there. Went on the retreat with the youth kids last weekend in upstate New York and just played like a kid. That was awesome. We have great kids. Tonight it's pizza and movie night (followed by hanging out at a bar in town for a highschool reunion of sorts.. NO the kids aren't coming! HA!)

Ummm.. Josh and I aren't together for now. I'm pretty convinced he's the right man but it's not the right time- not God's timing. I'm having withdrawls this week though. Think diet.. the feeling you get when you really want some ice cream but you just can't. :(

I can't think of anything else right now.. so that's me, then.

thanks for tuning in.

16 september

2008-09-16T21:26:00.004-04:00

I was driving from my friend's house tonight during sunset time- it was SO beautiful! The sky was an incredible magenta-pink that gradated into the yellow at the horizon where the sun was setting. Out here in the northeast there are so many trees that I was only getting glimpses of it through the forest of tree branches- while driving 60 in a 35 :/ Thankfully, I was in Hebron heading west toward Glastonbury- Hebron is set a little higher in elevation so I had a better vantage point than I would at home. Still, I was trying to think where I could get even higher so I could see it more clearly. I watch the sky a lot and have appreciated many sunsets, sunrises, bright fluffy cloudy days and rainbows but this sunset was still pretty remarkable (of COURSE I didn't have my camera).

It made me think a bit about life (are you shocked?!? :D ) I was passing many eastbound cars on my way westward. Except for the faint pink in the darkening sky they were driving into they had no idea what a masterpiece was right behind them. I remembered my time in Capri, Italy when I was fortunate enough to get to swim into the blue grotto- one of the '7 Wonders of the World'. As I was swimming into what felt like the darkest black, straining my ears to hear my 5 friends' voices and reaching out toward them, I was wicked scared. I remember thinking, "what the heck, this is so dumb and scary and dark, what is the big freakin' deal?"

Then I turned around.
Holy COW you guys! If you have never been there you need to go! I can't barely explain how breathtaking it was, how immediately in awe I became! It's this vibrant green-blue that literally glows and the glowing wraps from the top of the cave, arounds you and goes down so deep you can't ever see the bottom- it's like it just goes on forever. All of a sudden I could see everyone that I could only just hear the second before- there were like 30 people in there!

Ok, so back to my story. The sunset tonight made me think about God and his working in our lives. I (and maybe you, too) am very accustomed to walking around with heaviness. Some days are brighter and happier than others but the trend is to trudge rather than skip. I have the habit of having a rather negative spin on things- I struggle with putting the negative aside in order to have an optimistic response and attitude to and toward people. I often look backwards.

Swimming into the cave was wicked dark. There wasn't anything happy or calm about it. I definitely wanted to get out of that situation.
I imagine that driving eastward toward Hebron was a pleasant drive on an almost autumn night with the sky a faint pink but... nothing out of the ordinary- sort of like complacency?

And then there's the magnificence and breathtaking beauty of the glowing blue grotto and the vibrant magenta-pink sunset. The shock of both of these sights literally whisked my fear and complacency away and replaced it with immediate gratitude, smiling and saying outloud "holy CRAP that's beautiful" before my mind even had a chance to process it.

I don't know- it just reminded me of God and his desire not for good in our lives but for magnificent beauty. If we could just trust the Lord enough we could walk away from crippling fear (even though surrounded by friends) and a complacent attitude toward the mediocre and heaviness in our lives and simply TURN AROUND. It's not even hard. What seems difficult about it is trusting, letting go of the micro-management and control over our lives and the desire to do that in other's lives. If we would simply say, "Lord, this isn't so cool this place I am in, stuck looking into the hurts of my past and living in the resultant fear and disappointment" or "Lord, though this life I am living is fairly good, there isn't much on any given day that calls to the depths of my heart" then he'd be all "Then turn around my love!"

And when we do..
TA-DA!
Life that is freedom, joy and ridiculously breathtaking beauty!

I realize that we have to keep working and raising our families and paying our bills but there's a deepness inside us all that the Lord can call to and if we listen to it- then our every-days can become amazing.

God's will is kind of cool like that.
:)

Pray that I can listen to my own words!

hi again :)

2008-09-16T21:01:00.000-04:00

I'm bAAAAAA-aaaaaack!

:D

7 may

2008-05-08T10:10:00.001-04:00

a repeat from last fall but still SO true! i'm praying it over my life today and pray it for all of you, too....

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my father’s commands and remain in his love.” John 15:9.

So WE remove ourselves from God’s love.
That’s so stupid!Why would we do that?
Why would we WANT to do that?
Why is it so much more comfortable to be uncomfortable than to trust in and rest on God?

He has so many awesome things, INCREDIBLE things for us, beautiful and wonderful plans- community, compassion, friendship, life, love, joy, laughter, PEACE in the deep down! And REST!

Father, help us to really learn how to trust you, really trust you in our deepest desires- to let go of control.. as if we even really have any. Let your peace pervade our deepest places. And let joy, an indescribable joy, drip from every cell of our body.

A-men :)

2 february

2008-02-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

here.. meet my new doggie Cooper!

he's a big mushy goofy dog, really fun and lovey. he's a year and a half old black lab/golden retriever/flat-coat retriever mix. he and allie are getting along good though because allie is used to playing with my mom's 2 teeny dogs, cooper's a big adjustment- he LITERALLY runs her over when they are playing and knocks her down! doh! but she gets up and goes in for more. i've gotten to leave the house twice for long periods and they've done great.. no barking! YAY!

25 january

2008-01-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

good morning beautiful friends

I want to have something important to say but I am kind of empty- well at least empty of poetic thoughts.. since you all know I am NEVER quite empty of thoughts (frustrating sometimes!). Life is going along, it's good. I am still living in a place where God keeps reminding me to just trust, lay down my (at one time helpful) defenses and be peaceful -"Please be still and know that I am God." Um, ok! It's easier for me to fret and worry then it is to do that, though. SO SILLY! Is that a struggle we all deal with? If so then I'm going to be the first one to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D

Last week was tough, emotionally (moments of recognizing depression, ugh). Neat thing that came out of that though was amazing support from a few friends- friends showing me that they are here for me and telling me that they love me. It's an incredible thing to feel 'known'.

Thank you.

God is very cool!

Two New Things for me:

1- I am back in school, 2 more pre-req's (psychology and organic chemistry) this spring and then I start the 15 month accelerated nursing program at Saint Joseph's College in West Hartford in May. I am very happy and peacful about this! :D

2- Allie is coming back to live with me this week and so long as my 'home inspection' went well she and I are adopting her a one year old black lab/flat haired retriever/golden retriever brother from Florida (where American Lab Rescue found him). Here's a photo of him off the website, he's 65 pounds and apparently a really wonderful dog. Right now is name is Midnight.

so that's me.

for today, at least.

cutie pies

2008-01-09T13:12:00.000-05:00

Look how freakin' cute Allie and Bessie were as puppies (and still are!)

:D

6 weeks and 6 months old

Bessie at 6 weeks old

I love this one from last week.. she's all "hey! What's going on? Yup, I'm a happy dog!"

8 january

2008-01-08T08:14:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a bit lately about God's presence. The truth that I have been looking square in the face a lot over the past month or two is, "I will never leave you or forsake you." On Sunday my friend said that again and also that He is my covering- no matter what I am in the midst of, even if it's a result of my own crappy choices, God is there, too.

So if God is always ALWAYS there, how come sometimes I can really sense him a lot and other times wonder where he is or rather where I went.

So here's my prayer for all of us (after a description). Say it's like 90 degrees outside, you're all like super hot and sweaty and you walk inside where it's 85.. you can barely tell the difference in the temperature. But say it's about 15 degrees outside and you're frrreeeeeeeezing.. and you walk inside where it's 85.. You know that sudden overwhelming warmth that would surround you, that would take the edge off you? What a difference that 85 degrees would make, what a shock! I pray that no matter what place in life you are in that God's constant 85 degree, 'never leave you or forsake you' presence would be like walking in from 15 degrees to your soul..

you are beautiful..
and so loved..

Rose (thanks Chels!)

2008-01-08T06:16:00.000-05:00

(here's a cool email I got today)
THE ROSE:
The first day of school our Professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids."
"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate Milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

3 january

2008-01-03T20:13:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

autumn adventures

2008-01-03T15:44:00.000-05:00

I never posted anything from the fall.. and i got to see so many of you wonderful people! It was a very VERY awesome autumn, thanks guys!

My first adventure was all over New England with Millie, my beautiful friend from Utah, when she came for a quick 4 day visit in October. This was Millie's first visit so we saw a lot! It was so peaceful though, Mill you are one of those amazingly peaceful friends.. THANK YOU! We hung out in Glastonbury for a day then drove up to Vermont for two days, across New Hampshire to Maine to see the Atlantic Ocean and a lighthouse, down to Boston and then back home to go to my church and kayak in the Long Island Sound (one of things on Millie's to-do list for her life). Sounds like a lot, and it was, but we had an awesome time and in there still had time to take 2 really long hikes, watch a couple of movies and eat A TON! So here's the pictures..

Vermont

On the way to Boston

Kayaking in the Long Island Sound

My friends Erika, Sean and I (housemates downstairs) had a Halloween Party the Saturday before. It was really fun, and the first time Josh and I really did anything together- our first 'date' we were dressed up! I was Cleopatra, he was a pimp. yeah, that's him in the red velvet suit.. ha! These are all photos of my friends from work. crazy fun night. :D

Sean and Erika

...and by 7am the next morning I was at the airport ready to fly down to Maryland to visit my friend Jen. She has been a neat blessing in my life since high school. Jen, her husband Don and their cutie pie son Charlie and I hung out for 3 days over Halloween. Jen was 10 weeks pregnant then, i got to go to one of her ultrasound appointments and hear the heatbeat! That was very cool!

In D.C.

Maya Lin's Vietnam War Memorial, awesome to see this, I learned about it when I was studying Landscape Architecture.

I was home from jen's for 3 days and then I was off to California to meet Heather's 3 week old teeny tiny first son Ellis Anthony. I was up in San Carlos (near San Francisco) for 3 or 4 days, I can't even remember anymore! But it was awesome, just being together, doing nothing in particular. It was restful and wonderful, awesome to meet Ellis.

George (dad) and Ellis

And then I headed south to LA to visit all you wonderful peeps :D
Adam and Karen

Kara and EPT (awesome old job) that was a great afternoon!

Lori, Kamala and I (Lori is due this month! yay!)
Kamala, Ken (professor) and I at our L.A. early thanksgiving

Ernie and Melinda

The Serrer's and Devin (yay, he likes us! heheh)

To wrap up my trip I headed up to see Georgia and the kids with Karen. It was a very fast but wonderful visit... man do I miss you guys.. really REALLY miss you!

It was an incredible autumn! Thanks for all these blessings God! :D

2 january

2008-01-03T14:55:00.000-05:00

dear supportive and encouraging friends,

:D

it's 2008.. that means i need to start taking my decision to do my Ironman Triathalon seriously! WHEEEEEE! So I just wanted to let you know what i'm doing:

2.4 mile swim
112 mile bike
26.2 mile run
in 1 day
(hopefully within the 13th hour)
July 20th, 2008 Lake Placid, New York
http://www.ironmanusa.com/

I wanted to let you know because I would love to have some of you come and cheer me on if you can possibly do it with your schedules, I'm going to need it! I've always known that I am physically capable of doing something kind of cool like this so I'm excited (with humility and trepidation) to do this. Even more, though, I would really appreciate it if you would call or email me once in awhile to ask how my training is going- accountability is wonderful thing.

You all ROCK! :D

kwismis time

2007-12-27T15:53:00.001-05:00

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Here are lots of photos from mine. Christmas Eve I spent at my Dad's with the whole family and Josh and then he and I went to his Uncle and Aunts later on that night.

the whole Musumano Family minus Georgia and the kids (brother Matt in the middle-back, Dad and Sue middle-front and me and josh on the right Matthew and I Cousin Jason, his wife Paige and their daughter Molly
Cousin Johnna and her niece Raven
Cousins Jaime, Johnna and Chris

me and beautiful Johnna

Aunt Brenda (middle, the one who I asked for prayer for earlier this month), her boyfriend Mike and Aunt Holly
Johnna and Aunt Holly (her mom)
Dad and Sue

Christmas Day I spent at my step-sister Christine and brother-in-law Christopher's house. It was a really nice afternoon, SO MANY presents! I didn't get great photos there but here's what I've got! :)

Christine with Samantha (our neice) and Zachary her son
Santa Mom
Me and Samantha

Step-brother Marc and his son Michael
Samantha
Zachary (loves that dancing and singing reindeer!)
Nap Time for Mom, Widget and Tassles!

18 december

2007-12-19T22:22:00.000-05:00

hi my darlings!
happy almost christmas!

I've talked about josh.. and now I have a picture of him and I so i just wanted share :) (sorry chels.. haven't told you about him!)

This is from my young adults group that meets at my pastor's house once a month. We got together tonight for dinner. Everyone brought an ornament for a grab-bag type of thing.. but the cool part is that we all wrote a blessing to go along with the ornament- something to just build each other up and encourage us in life. We read them out loud- they were so awesome and it's kind of crazy that they seemed particularly applicable to the person who randomly chose that ornament. Very cool..

God is very cool.

My 'blessing':
"Phillipians 4:4-9
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
I pray that this ornament (huge crystal snowflake), bright and beautiful, will remind you to rejoice in the Lord, not to be anxious,, but to draw near to the Lord and trust in Him, and that you may find peace and rest in Him. Merry Christmas."

Funny, I just prayed that verse yesterday over my life.
Hmm.
:)

So the first photo is of all of us, my pastor (Mark) is on the floor and Judy (his wife) is the other one as tall as me in the photo- wonderful couple. then the other 2 are of Josh and I

Please be praying for us- I just know that prayer is a powerful thing. Thanks. This really is an awesome relationship.. AWESOME man. He is so good, I'm so peacefully surprised.. (yay!)

Hope you all have a meaningful day!
love you :)

writing soon!

2007-11-16T09:51:00.000-05:00

i just got back on wednesday evening from california and maryland and before that having millie visit for a week. i'm goin to be writing about it in the next couple days and posting photos so check back!

i hope that you are all good.. smiling, sensing peace and close to overflowing with laughter. i love ya.

6 october

2007-10-06T12:52:00.000-04:00

i wrote this as an email to a friend but thought, hmmm, this might be a good (long winded) thing to post on my blog since it's where i'm at. so.....

hi. happy weekend to ya. i'm down in madison house and dog-sitting this weekend (my supplemental income).. it's this little town on the long island sound. i have to work in a couple hours but in the mean time i'm at a coffee shop in my flip flops and tank top and shorts (which is just NOT RIGHT it's october for goodness sakes!) TRYING to relax but having kind of a hard time. my brain and heart are not settled. so i'm writing to you because, well, writing to you feels better than just writing to myself in my journal. it's nothing dramatic or anything.. it's just that that peace i wrote that i was in the midst of (last email.. in july) the peace from really just recognizing that god is right here with me and that i am where i am supposed to be for now and that he is proud of me- all of that to some degree seems out of reach. i'm frustrated right now from the same old stuff.. what am i doing? what am i supposed to do for a job? what should i do? i am not one of those people who can separate job from real life, it's all one big thing to me- my LIFE. I can't wrap my head around doing something just for the sake of making a paycheck because it's at least 40 hours of my life a week that goes away if i don't see purpose in it. you know? and the restaurant is great, i have made some awesome connections there with co-workers and customers. i know that god is in that with me.. let me re-phrase, i know that god is in EVERYTHING with me. but the only way for me to support myself at that job is to work 5 nights a week. that's when regular people with regular jobs are off. i guess i just want to be able to be involved with the non-working life (ie: not work nights and some weekends so i can go on runs and bike rides with my local bike shop, take an art class, go to home church, go to dinner with friends, go on a DATE once in awhile, go to a movie, do nothing..) but still support myself.

I just have such a difficult time commiting to myself. I know that i need to start investing in my ideas, put myself out there. god is all about action, at least he is in my life. one of the verses that really opened my eyes to this was one that this wonderful older woman prayed over me at church a bit ago.. Isaiah 52:2 "Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned , O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O daughters of Zion." It was amazing to me that he said "free yourself." Yeah, pray about things and ask god to be with you as you take your steps and stuff, but TAKE ACTION! So in this particular situation, I just don't know what action to take because I can see my life as this (w)holistic flowy sort of thing where my work is part of my life and my life my work and friends can be around all the time and i can meet people whenever they need or want rather then right now is work, i can meet you for coffee at 12 but have to be back at my desk by 1 and i can only have 2 weeks off a year and all that kind of formality and rules. i want to be around in my community not sitting behind some desk or inside the same 4 walls for literally half of my life. i just have this feeling that god has a plan of some significance for me. i don't want to sell out for what makes sense in the world's eyes. i'm relational, i know he is in that.

i KNOW that i am supposed to help people heal. I have known that for a wicked long time. I think it is suppsed to be more emotional rather than physical. Help people overcome. I have had this thought in my head since i was in itally in 2002 and an image in my mind about what my house feels like (that i don't have) for as long as i can remember.. and it's all sort of the same thing. i am not really fluent but i'll try. i kinda think there's this place that god has put in me to create that is an extension of my home- a big open space with an open front door where people can just come and 'play' and 'be' with no agenda. A place that just feels embracing and peaceful. A place where people can discover themselves and be empowered and i don't know... heal? And in that healing and empowering begin to recognize god's beautiful hands in their lives and just how awesome he is. In italy i felt like it was a place for kids to come that don't have a million opportunities but since i've been home it seems like it's a place for adults, too. Adults who as kids never really got the chance nor as adults have given themselves the chance to express themselves in some artistic form or another. i just know that there is so much healing when we come in contact with the person on the inside that god created. so i thought how cool it would be to have some friends of mine that are talented in certain creative things to just be available to help or guide as these people discover themselves in painting, drawing, pottery, photography, cooking, dancing, writing, language, gardening, playing with animals, hiking, singing, and physical exercise like helping people reach a running goal or a biking goal that they have dreamed of but never have thought they could actually do.. and then there would be a space for just having coffee and lounging on a couch and simply be in community with friends. It seems wicked beautiful to me. I even started to daydream this a lot more recently when i saw this property for sale that would have the space for this idea, but it's kinda far away.

so my question is... "Holy CRAP, how do I do THAT?" And how does that pay my bills, because i don't want to charge people to come, i want my doors to simply be open!

and where is it supposed to be? and how does that not feel confining to this wandering, voyager spirit inside me?

but then i think, why can't i just be freakin' normal?

i guess i am just tired of flopping around from thing to thing.

i just don't want to 'settle', i've only got one chance down here!

maybe you can just send a couple prayers up to our dad for me, that his life in me would be more pronounced than my own. i really just want to be about his stuff.

hmph :/

2 october

2007-10-02T23:29:00.000-04:00

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my father’s commands and remain in his love.” John 15:9.

So WE remove ourselves from God’s love.
That’s so stupid!
Why would we do that?
Why would we WANT to do that?
Why is it so much more comfortable to be uncomfortable than to trust in and rest on God? He has so many awesome things, INCREDIBLE things for us, beautiful and wonderful plans- community, compassion, friendship, life, love, joy, laughter, PEACE in the deep down! And REST!

Father, help us to really learn how to trust you, really trust you in our deepest desires- to let go of control.. as if we even really have any. Let your peace pervade our deepest places. And let joy, an indescribable joy, drip from every cell of our body.

A-men :)

1 october

2007-10-01T23:28:00.000-04:00

Oh my gosh, there is so much stuff going on in my mind and heart, it’s like I can see where God is pulling all my individual parts together.

There is this cool job that I am looking into up in Waitsfield, Vermont, though there are programs all over the place. It’s called ‘Wilderness Therapy’. Troubled teens (ADD, anxiety, drugs, depression, low self esteem/confidence, defiant behavior…) may go here. There are master degreed therapists who actually create the kid’s programs but then there are people like me, field guides, who take small groups of kids out backpacking in the woods to learn how to build a fire, work in groups, depend on themselves, FACE themselves. Apparently there are good results from this type of therapy. So let’s see, I could live out in the woods (not forever! It’s like 8 days on 6 days off) and work with kids.. and get PAID? How cool is that? And back at the camp they learn gardening. There is also stuff like horseback riding, dogsledding, snow boarding and tapping for maple syrup! Millie was here last week and so we went up there and hiked to this place though unfortunately no one was there. They are waiting for my cover letter and resume.

Maybe I’ll do it, maybe not- but I just think it is so cool. I had no idea something like this existed! I have so much more to say about this but first I need to do some updating from the summer.

summertime memories

2007-10-01T23:23:00.000-04:00

Where do I begin?!? My summer was so nice, not nearly as full of traveling as I am used to but so nice! Can you believe that except for a little camping weekend in July, I haven’t been anywhere since March?!? That is so ridiculously unlike me!

The summary…

JUNE: School ended and WAHOOOOOO, summer began! FYI- My pre-req classes needed to be completed by august and the application submitted. I haven’t heard yet if I am accepted into the program that starts Jan 2008 though I am also not sure I will be doing it even if I do get accepted.

JULY: My nephew Zachary was baptized. My step-sister and brother-in-law asked if I would be his god-mom. J It was a special day. Zachary was really ‘taken’ by the minister, just stared at him the whole time and didn’t cry at all!

My friends Davey and David did the IronMan in Lake Placid, NY (2.4 swim, 112 bike, 26.2 run) I had signed up to be a volunteer back in, I don’t know, February? So we all (their wives and kids, some family and friends) went up there on Thursday and came home Monday. I camped out in my little tent from last summer. I volunteered at it because I wanted to see if it is something that I might want to do, I figured I’d get a good idea of the reality of it this way. And I did. And I signed up for next year! It was so incredible! Nearly 2500 people competed and there were that many more family and support so there were a kajillion people but the energy, even 3 days beforehand, was so awesome. And the race was so neat to see, I can’t believe people can do this! I was at the first Bike Aid Station on the 56 mile loop, which they do TWICE! Gosh these people are amazing! And I would say the majority of them were over 35! I saw Davey and David both about 4 times during the race and at the finish line but somehow only got Davey in pictures. Congratulations guys!

(I'm front row on the right)
(morning of the race, swim started at 7am)

(davey, loop 1)
(bike corral)
(davey, beginning marathon)

(winner, pro-female.. 9 hours 20 minutes!)
(look behind the running dude, Katie is handing Alex off to Davey at the finish line)

(davey finishing!)

I had a trip planned to go to California at the end of July but Allie got really sick and was in the vet on an IV for 4 days so I stayed home to help her get back to healthy. She had a very severe reaction to the anti-inflammatory drug the vet gave her when she snapped a tendon in her knee. So she got better from the reaction after 3 weeks and then had to get ACL surgery. So as of only 2 weeks ago she is now back to healthy except that she still isn’t using her hind leg very much. She has one really buff hind leg and one super atrophied. Silly girl. But she’s as happy as ever.

AUGUST: Zachary’s First Birthday!

(Chritine, Christopher and Zachary)

(Grandpa Wayne and Zac)

Emery, Savannah and Madeline came out for a 2 week visit! That was so fun. They mostly hung out with Grandma but I got to have them for one whole day and 2 nights, just the kids and Auntie- we laughed a ton. They totally crack me up. (Cotton Hollow)

(Samantha (niece) and Zac)
(Chris, Zac and Michael (nephew))

The end.

To come: Millie's first visit to the Northeast this past week (when I get the pictures)

Half Iron(wo)man! 24 september

2007-09-24T15:15:00.000-04:00

I DID IT!
(and let me say.. thank GOD it was YESTERDAY!)
:D

oh my gosh you guys, now that it was over 24 hours ago I can say THAT WAS INCREDIBLE! Though my response to people asking right afterwards if they'd see me next year was "Are you freakin' nuts?" (with a smile on my face). I remember saying to my cheering squad "whoever said this was a good idea was crazy!"

So after swimming 1.2 miles, biking 56 miles (ok OK.. the bike course was nearly 4 miles short, but you're not going to hold it against me, right? heheh) and running and walking 13.1 miles I crossed the finish line in 6 hours 42 minutes! The important part of that last sentance for me was 'CROSSED THE FINISH LINE' cuz believe me I thought of not doing that a couple times. I knew that putting all my separate pieces together I could ideally finish in 6:30 but I was still so amazed to finish just 12 minutes past that.

My Mom, Wayne and friends Beth, Pam and Gaylin along with doggies Allie, Tassles, Widget, Winston and Vicki came out to cheer me on. Beth and Pam are the wonderful ladies who I house and dog sit a bunch for, they made that aweseme sign for me. It was wonderful to have a cheering squad. Beth and Vicki ran the last mile of loops 2 and 3 with me on the run which was so SO helpful to keep me going. The whole crew that put on the race were really encouraging, happy, wonderful people. It was... awesome.

It's a bummer that I don't know all the details yet, like the winner's time and all my splits (time for each particular part and my transitions), they haven't updated that part of the website yet (I keepp checking like a crazed lunatic). What I do know are these few things. Beth said I was the 17th person out of the water, which totally blew me away because I felt very slow while I was out there. Whenever I looked up I couldn't quite tell where in the pack I was cuz I couldn't see very many people around me, Beth said "yeah, it's cuz they were mostly BEHIND you." heheheh. When I was running towards the transition corral and saw it still so full of bikes a huge smile in astonishment crossed my face. WEEEEEE! Lots of those still in the water passed me on the bike but I'm fine with that. No pictures.. but you can picture it while laughing- me in a grey wetsuit, flourescent green swim cap and clear goggles... did this image come to mind? :)

The bike course was so beautiful, all small, shaded backroads..with LOTS of hills. Their beauty kinda got lost on me during those times. Overall the bike course covered 4000 feet of elevation change. Yeah, that sucked. The first 30ish miles I was really enjoying myself but for the last 24 my lower back really really hurt, the kind that no matter how I adjusted or stretched it really wouldn't let up. I was so looking forward to being off my bike. How people (IronMen) would then do another 56 is beyond me at this point! My cheering people were waiting for me at mile 22, that was awesome to look forward to. Mom took a little video that's why there are no pictures of it here. When I was first on my bike I almost cried, so amazed and thankful and FREE, I couldn't believe I was actually doing this. The tears that were seriously about to come out near the end of the bike and once on the run were from just being overwhelmed. I thought that maybe it would be okay to cry though because maybe it would get rid of some of the negative in my brain.

And then the run. I didn't want to do it! I had visions of getting off my bike and just lying flat on the ground on the grass! I walked a bit at first just to let my legs and back have a break and to summon up my running muscles and then from there on out I ran and walked the 3- 4.3 mile loops. I thought I wouldn't like the looping but it was actually good. It went quickly in my brain, faster than any other 14 mile training run I had done that in actuallity went faster than yesterday's run. It was cool cuz I saw the same volunteers and runners at the same spots along the loop so I got to talk a little and encourage the familiar runners and stuff. On my last loop I said to these really nice volunteers "I won't see you again and I've got to admit I am SO HAPPY to say that!" While running past this one guy on our last loop nearly 1 mile from finishing it was the most awesome thing to be able to cheer him on by saying "you are SO awesome, you have already moved yourself SIXTY-NINE MILES today!" And on my last loop I got to thank the volunteers and wish them a good day.

And then, I FINISHED!
:D

...the craziest thing out of all of that is that I am not sore today. NO JOKE, not even a little. I learned about the proper stuff to drink throughtout the race, full of goos protein, vitamins, electrolytes (blah blah blah..) so I did it and it's absoultely remarkable! I guess when you nourish your muscles apparently they can just keep going!

So that's that. I signed up for the July 2008 Lake Placid IronMan after volunteering at it this past July. During my run yesterday I was thinking, "oh well, I've wasted $400 on other things, I guess it's not toooooooo bad that I won't be doing that next year." But ask me in another week, I may far enough away from yesterday's 6:42 hours that I'll be back on course for that goal again.
Thanks everyone for being interested in how I did and for cheering from afar!

:)

re-emerging

2007-09-07T00:36:00.000-04:00

I doubt any of you are even reading this anymore since I haven't written in such a long time. I needed some time to not walk through my day wondering how I would summarize pieces of it on here even though I love being in touch. I miss this though- writing and thinking and, i guess you can call it 'philosophizing'. I have been feeling the desire to start up again, so if there is ANYONE out there still checking in with me be assured I will be writing my heart out again soon.

You are beautiful friends.

love- me.

11 july

2007-07-11T00:33:00.000-04:00

"When we face what we're afraid of that's when we find out what we're made of."

(cool lyric, huh?)

8 may- oooo, this was a good one!

2007-05-08T22:55:00.000-04:00

This is something I wrote way back on April 24, 2005... a couple days after I had moved home to CT. It's a really good one, so since I don't have a lot of time to write right now maybe this is a good one to read in the mean time. It's absolutely so applicable to everything in me right now! :D

24 April 2005-
I went to church this morning… trying to find one that fits. While I was there, during part of the praise and worship I was observing this little girl, probably about 7 or 8, kneeling down and coloring a picture. I have been having a bit of a hard time adapting over here and accepting this as a decision I made. It’s not all bad at all, every place has its uniqueness and positives and negatives; but it’s been hard on me none the less. I am trying to understand the meaning in it all. It was really neat to see this little girl, though. She was coloring a picture of a heart with arms and legs and little hearts in its hair. She was using those markers that are smelly- purple smells like grape, pink like strawberries… (remember those) and she was sniffing them in before she colored with them. i guess what I enjoyed so much about that moment was the simplicity in the whole thing.

Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? I remember running through the woods, looking at the salamanders under the rocks and playing with my barbies in the brook; running in and out of the house, around the neighborhood, to my friend’s house, never sitting still; falling asleep on the couch and then waking up in my bed and drowsily wondering how the heck I got there; coloring pictures (much like this little girls) and not ever thinking for one second that someone wouldn’t like it; falling asleep during the afternoon on my grampy’s couch to the sound of a Yankees game or an old western and waking up with my great aunt Minnie’s crocheted blanket draped over me. I wandered through my days from morning to night just living in that moment. I don’t remember fear, anxiety, inadequacy, problems, sadness, heaviness and lack of joy. Being a kid is, I think, where we are supposed to live for our whole lives. I mean, I know that as we grow we gain responsibilities along with knowledge and wisdom, but deep down in our heart of hearts aren’t we supposed to live for TODAY and not worry about yesterday or tomorrow, if people like us or the expressions of our heart, if the decisions we make are the ‘right’ ones? Kids learn from mistakes but seem to step into all experiences, whether for the first time or the 100th as if it’s their first time, they enter them with giggling joy spilling out of them. I want to be like that again. I want to draw a picture just for myself and not compare it to the masters to judge if it’s good enough, worthy to be called ‘art’. I want to believe that what I think and feel is important whether it’s unique or experienced by every person on the face of the earth. Kids do! Think of a little 2 year old “look at me, auntie, look at me!” my niece did this… on all fours, stomach towards the ground, she put one leg high in the air thinking she was doing a handstand or something equally amazing. Kids believe they can do anything, they try everything, they BELIEVE they can do and be anything. Gosh, to be able to be that again. You know, I can’t wait to be a mom, to be able to observe this type of thing everyday and be challenged to live in that place myself (and of course to LOVE and guide and encourage the little buggers). I want to sit next to my child and color with them, sniff the markers and draw a picture of a person, just a head with 2 arms and 2 legs sticking out of it with a big huge smile on its face and then post it on the fridge under a magnet next to the kid’s. (o: And kids are free in sharing their love and acceptance of people and are generally a great judge of character. They know how to love. I love that! (o:

29 april- lo siento

2007-04-29T23:33:00.000-04:00

sorry guys, i can't keep up with this right now (if you haven't figured that out yet!) I have lots and lots swirling around in my head between school work, which is gonna keep kicking my ass for another 6 weeks, and life, learning and some awesome progress in my brain.. i'm doing good in all of it though, so no worries! (call me!)

love ya'll!
:D
-Me

'Cracked Pot'- awesome story!

2007-04-09T21:59:00.000-04:00

"An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them."

SMILE!

2007-03-29T23:55:00.000-04:00

29 march- life analogy

2007-03-29T13:58:00.000-04:00

What a wonderful outlook on life!... (thanks Lu!)

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the openareas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if thejar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once moreif the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. "It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

28 march

2007-03-28T13:50:00.000-04:00

thanks for the prayers and crossed fingers for my anatomy test, it totally helped!

I got 10 out of 60 wrong.. should have been an 80-something but with the curve I got a 106.

106?!?!

um, OK!
I don't get it but I ain't complaining!
:D

27 march... ut-oh!

2007-03-27T23:50:00.000-04:00

...and if anyone is reading this at 8 tomorrow morning (wed) be sending really good thoughts my way cuz it was way more fun to write my blog then study for my anatomy test that i'll be taking in 8 hours and 8 minutes!

what a geek-a-roosky i am.
:)

califoooooooornia! :)

2007-03-27T22:26:00.000-04:00

It was a really wonderful time you guys! Thanks to all of you for making some time to see me. I am just so thankful for your friendship, your generous hearts and sunshiny smiles. and the laughter...That's the best! I knew that I was missing you but I didn't realize just how much until I was holding you tight, you caused me to smile from ear to ear! I don't know how I have gotten so blessed- and that goes for you east coast peeps, too! Friendships (my real and adopted family) are what keep me going- to connect; wow, it pushes me forward, builds me up and makes me smile.

You are ALL God's hands in my life!
Thank you.
:)

So, California..
It was really relaxed. I had hoped to just 'be' with my friends and family- wake up slow, go for walks, eat, visit the ocean, watch tv, talk, let the sun shine on me and WEAR FLIP FLOPS. And it turned out just like that! For the most part the weather wasn't very warm and sunny but I still wore my flip flops! :)

I got in midnight Sunday. Monday I spent time with Karen and her Dad Vin (Ben's mom and grandpa) in Newport eatin' tacos and sitting on the beach even though it was chilly. The sun was shining super bright though. It is so beautiful there! I didn't get any pictures of Monday.. sad, no Karen or Vin pictures! That night I met up with my friend Kara for an awesome 2 hour hike through the canyon in Pasadena. It was dark when we got out of there, we heard owls and TONS of croaking frogs. What a bummer I didn't know about that place when I lived out there, it's literally 5 minutes from where I used to live and an extension of a place I used to run all the time but never knew about it! Kara, thank you, it was so wonderful to walk and talk with you and then have yummy chicken curry and mango smoothies!

Tuesday I stopped into EPT (my fun, old land. arch. job out there- www.eptdesign.com) It was wonderful to see all of you guys and the new office is AWESOME! Wish I could still walk around barefoot and have dance parties across the office with Kara! heheheh :)

Then Georgia picked me up. I stayed with them until Friday night. THAT was relaxing. We did absolutely nothing! :) Well except for racing Emery and Savannah around the block each afternoon, but besides that I was the laziest of all lazies. Georgia and I laid in her bed all cozy watching "The Real Housewives of Orange County" one afternoon- does that prove my laziness? and ah.. dumb show! HA! What a different world! But it was fun to just be lazy sisters together.

(me, Madeline, Savannah, Emery, Georgia and Gabe)

Friday night I took the train from G's to my friend Sara's back near Pasadena to spend the weekend.

Cool thing about this trip is that my friends Heather (from northern c.a.) and Millie (from utah) were in town too! SWEET! So Heather, Erin and I went for breakfast for and a walk at Huntington Gardens- a gorgeous garden, lots of acres big, in South Pasadena. Heather's pregnant! AHHH! Ever since we were roomates in 2001 she's been putting her hand on her belly aching for a baby. She met her wonderful husband and now this blessing!

(Heather, Erin and moowa)

The rest of Saturday was spent at Dez and Doug's house with a bunch of our friends from college. Lots of eating, laughing and getting all pruned in the hot tub :) Sara, thanks again for planning that day! And Dez and Doug, your house is so beautiful, thanks for opening it up for us all to come over and be crazy! Congratulations about almost being a mom and dad! (Sean, Angela, Steve, me, Kam, Ken (awesome professor) and Rama)

(Dez, me and Sara)

Sunday, I got to go back to my old church! And that was wonderful! (www.caeaglerock.com) I spent most of the day with Lori. I haven't had the chance to see her since she got married a year ago January.. I guess life just got the best of us. Lori, geesh, I still can't express what a wonder it was to spend time with you. I forgot just how beautiful your heart is and how evident god is in your every word and action. Thank you for our time together sunday and Monday and for driving me to the airport and running the rose bowl with me and listening to me blab. :)

And Millie, for lunch on Monday! I'm wicked happy even for the hour that we spent together.. safe travels back home!

Anyway, that was my trip 'home'. Love you guys!

18 march

2007-03-18T12:55:00.000-04:00

I feel very thankful for where I am right now. It's just been the coolest thing, i don't know, to see and sense peace and community and god. It's the coolest thing to get out of tunnel vision and look around and see so many smiling faces and open hearts all around.

Today's been cool. I went to church. What ridiculously awesome people there are there. The heart of this group of people is so big, so simple and honest. I don't even know that I have anything to say but there's all this stuff going on inside me- is that JOY? :)

One of the lots of things I learned today was this: you know how there are some situations and people that seem to rub on us and are frustrating and hard? Thorns? What if we look at them like Rubies- things that cause us to grow? For instance, Mark said God wants us to not be easily offended. Ok. So guess what? All of a sudden we'll be in situations with offensive people- how else will he work this out in us? It's a simple concept and so true! How do you get good at anything without facing it head on?

And I got reminded again today about the book I have been wanting to write about my grampy. It came back to me today when this other guy was talking about a natural spring and I remembered how grampy used to take my sister and I to Rockwell Park to get gallons of drinking water from this natural spring. I learned a ton from that man about life and what love looks like. I know he was an example of god for me and Georgia. Maybe it'll be called "Lessons From My Grampa".

alright, I gotta pack- I leave in an hour and I don't even know where my suitcase is! ha!

:)

2007-03-17T23:30:00.000-04:00

(in a sing-songy voice)

I'm going to California tomorrow! :)

17 march

2007-03-17T23:27:00.000-04:00

16 march... HUH???

2007-03-16T23:22:00.000-04:00

ummm.... last wednesday I was wearing flip flops and the sun was shining on my face.

Today the prediction was 12-16" of snow.
12-16" OF SNOW?!?

And we got it, about a foot!
It IS beautiful but I was totally getting spring fever- walking in the woods, looking at the little buds on the tree branches, hearing the bird calls, spying daffodils shooting out of the ground, going running in shorts, talking to Keith about the sun and sand and ocean in Florida...

So I used on of my newly acquired skills- I did donuts in the parking lot at work.
weeeEEEeeee!

:)

13 march

2007-03-13T22:36:00.000-04:00

I've been sick and studying SO much that I haven't had a chance to exercise for two weeks! So today I made some time to go for a walk in the woods, haven't been out there in what seems like forever. I wanted to actually run but I was tiiiiiiiiiiiiired (pms-y) and hacking up my lungs so I opted to slowly wander through the woods instead. I really wanted to go to the water. The woods are awesome around here- most of the spots with water have little islands or big boulders in the middle that you can hop over to and sit on, so I found a little mossy island with a big tree's root to sit on (the ground is still all mucky and wet), and I watched the water and listened to the rustling wind and... OOOOOOOOOO.. bird songs! I was so surprised to hear them, spring is coming! :)

There is something just so amazing about the woods. I can go in feeling low and sad or just plain and I come out with this, well I guess it's a sense of peace and that the world and things are as they should be, even if I don't understand it all. Something out there just sets me right. Or encourages me to trust that there's someone out there that has a handle on things.

(my little island- the middle one)

(i love this reflection!)

This was such a beautiful walk.. I looked up and all of a sudden there were these white birch trees- so beautiful against the grey and brown of everything else, and they even reflected in the icy path! cool huh?

12 march- goodbye my friend.. (hurry up and stop hurting, heart!)

2007-03-12T23:18:00.000-04:00

well.... Keith's gone.
He's now a Floridian.
(hmph..........)

I know this is a good opportunity for him but I can't help but feel sad.
He's really really gone.
And maybe he'll never be back.

He misses me, I guess that's a little consolation.

I want to learn to love him simply as a friend, to be excited for him.
I guess it just takes time.

11 march.. happy early st. patty's day!

2007-03-11T22:55:00.000-04:00

Sunday was really fun.. there was a 5K in downtown Hartford with a 1 mile relay for restaurants to take part in. The four of us- (l-r) me, LuAnne, Rhonda and Robin all ran 1/4 mile with a tray of Murphy's. Whichever team made it to the finishline with the most beer left in their pint glasses won a dinner for 4 at Max's Downtown- a yummy steak house. We came in second in the relay and tied for first with the most beer left in the glasses.. so we lost cuz the tie breaker was the team that came in first. But it was wicked fun and about 7 other people from the restaurant came downtown to cheer us on! I didn't actually think I'd have to run but holy crap I SPRINTED faster than I have in a loooooong time keeping us in second place to the finish line. It was such a fun time! :)

Robin started to the race.. this is her with the beer and she's all the way on the right in the photo below

me, bringing it home, cracking up because my friends Brooke and Rita were screaming SO loudly for me! :)

10 march

2007-03-10T22:32:00.000-05:00

It's what's been welling up in me... and peace.
I guess it's really a sense of God.
That there is someone who hears me, understands and cares.
(and he put all of you beautiful people in my life- I'm really thankful)

I don't know what it is about me that is so afraid to really live, afraid to set roots, even shallow ones. I talk a wonderful game and sometimes almost convince even myself. But when I stop and think and look at my life, look with my heart, it's just a bunch of words and ideas with very little action and conviction. Sure I'm busy and look like I am accoomplishing a lot but you know what, no matter where I am or what I'm doing there is this subtle (and sometimes LOUD) sadness and a feeling of being misplaced and lonliness on my insides.

I want to see so much, I forget that just because I set down some roots it doesn't mean that at some point, like a big beautiful oak, they can't be dug up, boxed and transplanted to a new place. That fear of settling in has left me on the very outside of this place physically, emotionally and relationally.

No freakin' wonder lonliness is a familiar feeling! Nothing is going to change if I don't make the change...

...so I have started to make the change. I have been in my apartment now for 3 1/2 months and have barely done a thing to it besides paint the dining room's dark wood paneling a soft coffee color. I don't know how many times I have written in my journal about how much I want my home to be open to whoever wants to stop by whenever they want to. A peaceful place. Warm and comforting. Not for me (that's a bonus) but for my community of people.

And yet for the last 3 1/2 months I have lived in an apartment that feels cold, dark, empty and lifeless because I have feared setting roots.

I've been having this little eagerness again to own my own little place, I can imagine it in my mind and I've spied a couple places around town that I love.. a little house with a porch big enough to sit a few chairs on with a front door that opens into a cozy living room with the warmest lighting, big windows and hopefully a fireplace. The kitchen is big and open and connected to the living room so you can be in either room and still a part of the activities in the other. The rest of the house I don't really care about- 2 bedrooms, maybe 3? I really felt though that who am I to be so dreamy about that place with the open door to the community while I live in this un-lived in apartment?

Start small Sarah.
Start with what you have.
Earn the priveledge to dream otherwise that cute little house with all the details I want is just going to feel sad and dark and lonely, too.

So a couple weeks ago I invited a few friends from work over for breakfast last Saturday morning. And Friday night I got busy, joyful and busy. My step-sister's mom gave me her dining room table so I finally brought that over and a rug from my mom. I hung my paper lanterns, re-arranged our living room, hung curtains, put up 2 pictures, built my roomate's chairs for our kitchen table and went to home depot and bought $50 worth of plants (though I wanted to spend way more!) The girls who were ringing me up for the plants said "wow, you seem so excited about your plants." I AM! Man, digging my fingers in the dirt, transplanting them into my pots at 12:30 am was so therapeutic! Plants make it feel like home.

And I got up at 7am Saturday morning and made coffee in my new, warm and cozy home. It felt like Easter morning, there was this awesome excitement welling up inside awaiting my friends. And it was such a wonderful morning, everyone said they had a great time just being all together. I remember being at the stove with my back to everyone and I just stopped and listened to all the chit chatting and laughing. It was such a good sound, to know that I had something to do with bringing all these people together to connect. It was such a cool moment.

And when they left my house felt so warm. They totally christened it!

this is everyone... :)

....and then on Sunday night I had my whole family over for my Mom's birthday dinner. There's only this one picture tho, bummer. This is my step-sister Chris and her son Zachary and my step-brother Marc and his kids Michael and Samantha. Christopher (Chris' husband), Sue (Marc's wife) and Mom and Wayne were here, also. We had a full on west-coast mexican dinner with pork tacos, guacamole, grilled scallions and homemade salsa.

(and here are a few of Zach over the last couple weeks, what a cutie!)

..more good stuff

2007-03-04T22:26:00.000-05:00

(thanks Chels!)

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature."

~Anne Frank

good stuff

2007-03-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

Delight yourself in the Lord,

yes, find your joy in Him.

Be known for your gentleness,

and never forget the nearness of our God.

Don't worry about whatever's going to come,

just tell God every detail.

And the peace of God that no one understands will come to you.

Just tell God every detail,

and His peace will come to you.

4 march

2007-03-04T20:37:00.000-05:00

First I just want to say that I'm coming back. Why I went away, I don't know.

I don't mean in a physical sense cuz, well, if I could actually disappear I'd give myself a fancy name and become a super hero.. like Super Invisarah or something (equally as dorky).

...I just mean that God is near. (He always is.) I wandered away out of fear and uncertainty and low self-confidence (or maybe because I actually LIKE feeling miserable and sad?!?) My sister sent me a poem by Maya Angelou where she wrote a list of hopes and prayers for women- the one that really stood out was:

"Every woman should know how to fall in love without losing herself."

If she wrote it then it probably resonates with a lot of women; I have never read something that so precisely summed up all that I have experienced in relationships though. I cannot blame anyone, it's just what I do. It must have served a purpose at some point but now it's just a bad habit. It's what I USED to do.. the insecure pattern stops now, because now I am aware of it.

I lost track of myself but thankfully God places people and circumstances in our lives that help us find ourselves again.

This church is amazing. I'm talking about the community of people that constitutes The Worship Center. My first Sunday there I said it felt like 'home'. You know why? Because I came back to who I am, to who God created, to the only thing I have really been certain I am with confidence- I am a worshipper of God. It's what every ounce of me desires to do, cries out to do. I am a pray-er, (though I haven't been lately). I can't control the smile on my face and the laughter that comes out as I pray and sing and just let God close. I don't WANT to control it- and as a 'controller' it really is the only thing in my life that I can say that about. I love loving God. I just makes so much sense to the depth of me. It's because then I get to REALLY love and relate with PEOPLE! :)

Seeing others through God's eyes is just such a wonderful experience. It's so overwhelming to me in a physical sense, I can barely get out to others the immensity of God's love for them that I understand inside me. And yet I ran away from God with arrogance- how can a creation disregard its creator like that? All I know is that I am so glad that God doesn't run or walk away from us... he doesn't even stop in his tracks and wait for us to get a grip, he just walks right beside us, through the good and the bad, through the times we totally ignore him. He's just there. What a wonderful... everything!

Last fall Keith introduced me to one of his good friends Davey and Davey's pastor, Mark, at the coffee shop. It took 6 months of infrequently seeing one or both of them at the coffee shop and a good heart break to finally ask about the church and where it meets and when. I guess I just wasn't ready before. It's neat when I think abouy the times I saw one or both of them there, even if it was just a quick "hey.. what's up?" Those times were comforting to me- like my spirit (that I was trying my hardest to ignore) was being recognized or something. It's been 3 weeks and all of a sudden these trees and fields and streets and snow feels more like my home. And I feel more like me.

I met some great people tonight. I had lunch with Davey and his awesome wife Katie this afternoon and then went with them to a meeting for the leaders of the youth group tonight- they thought I'd be a good addition. There were 11 wonderful people there, down to earth and just fun. We laughed and prayed and sang. It's an awesome thing that happens when I let go of controlling and questioning and just start trusting and praying. God, the creator of everything, He knows what we desire and need. I just prayed for a friend or two here who know him- maybe these are the seeds of those friendships...

Closing my eyes and praying and singing, that's what I'm made to do.

What?
Right.
God just laughed at all my arrogance and said, "FINALLY!"

thanks everyone for thinking about and caring for me.

btw.. Keith is moving to Florida on Wednesday. He got a potentially awesome job offer to work as a Lifeguard/Cop/Water Rescue guy in Smerna Beach (?). It's what he's well trained to do and seems to be what makes him thrive- physical exercise and helping and saving people. Yeah, I'm sad. I finally took your advice to stop talking to him and hanging out with him 2 weeks ago because I was having a wicked hard time letting go (ummmm... does co-dependent mean anything?!?) It's been a good decision, enabling me to get a grip, but I've definitely been having 'Keith withdrawl'. It's good to know he's around though so thinking about him being that far away, literally out of my life, is just tough. :/

beautiful winter

2007-03-02T10:20:00.000-05:00

my new church

2007-03-02T00:22:00.000-05:00

http://www.theworshipcenterct.org/

Go see my pastor's picture- Mark- he is such a kind man! I get to see him at the coffee shop in town a lot since studying is my new profession. And his wife works there! The first day I went to church she came right up to me with the biggest smile ready to give me a hug..

"SARAH! What a surprise."
I said the same thing to Judy.
Then she goes, "I'm Mark's wife, did you know we went together?"
"Holy crap, NO!"

So funny and wonderful. Now the coffee shop feels that much more like home.
And last week (my 2nd Sunday there) the worship team played "He Knows My Name." That's a song the worship leader from my old church Christian Assembly in C.A. wrote! I was so thrilled!

God's cool, huh?
and even cooler that he doesn't kick us to the curb even though we (I) have done that to him over the last bit of time...

Right now we meet in a highschool cafeteria but they are building a church- they had a beautiful piece of property up on a hill donated to them recently. Though they are still interviewing for an architect the first thing they are building is a prayer garden as soon as the weather warms up. Makes me happy to be a part of that. Looks like my landscape architecture is going to come in handy afterall. :)

28 february... soaring

2007-02-28T13:42:00.000-05:00

it's a beautiful day out today. there's snow all on the ground but the sun is shining really bright and it's like 50 degrees out so i ended up going for a long run- like 9 miles. i didn't intend that but got inspired by how awesome it is out. i didn't need to bring water, i just ate snow along the way!

anyway, i'm feeling more whole these days. georgia, johnna, heather, kara, chels, adam, jen... you are beautiful people who i admire and love, thanks for all your encouragement and prayers and stuff.. but mostly for just telling me, even more importantly SHOWING me, that you love me. i am certain that most everyone on earth has had their heart broken pretty badly but for some reason, in the midst it, it feels like we're the only one and that surviving it and dreaming again without that person is going to be a struggle. i know i sound so freakin' dramatic but it's the case none the less. so.... thanks.

...to all of you.
:)

when i was almost home from my run one of my favorite songs came on. i've heard it a million times, but like most songs, the 'umph' in the lyrics hits me more strongly at certain times. today i needed this one, and really, i need it everyday. what i REALLY need is a theme band walking behind me wherever i go playing it for me because it's right where i am. and this isn't all about keith it's just that this situation served to call out my insecurities and questions and crappy self-confidence even more than usual. i know i've got a lot in me to share and live- we ALL do- so this song is just a good reminder. for me it says to 'let go' and live my true 'me' no matter if i EVER fit in because this world deserves for all of us to be our best, most loving, people.

SOAR (Christina Aguilera)

When they push when they pull, tell me can you hold on
When they say you should change can you lift your head high and stay strong
Will you give up, give in, when your heart's crying out that it's wrong
Will you love you for you at the end of it all

Now, in life, there's gonna be times when you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurity seems to take control
We start to look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval
We keep forgettin' that the one thing we should know is

Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own
Love will open every door it's in your hands, the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers will unfold
What are you waiting for, spread your wings and soar

The boy who wonders is he good enough for them
He's tryin' to please 'em all but he just never seems to fit in
Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be good enough for him
She's tryin' to change and that's a game she'll never win

In life there's gonna be times when you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurity seems to take control
We start to look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval
We keep forgettin' that the one thing we should know is

Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own
Love will open every door it's in your hands, the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers will unfold
What are you waiting for, spread your wings and soar

In the mirror is where she comes face to face with her fears
Her own reflection, now foreign to her after all these years
All of her life she has tried to be something besides herself
Now time has passed and she's ended up someone else with regret

What is it in us that makes us feel the need to keep pretending
Gotta let ourselves be

Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own
Love will open every door it's in your hands, the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers will unfold
What are you waiting for, spread your wings and soar

i love you guys.
have a wonderful peaceful day.
and... i found a church, one filled with comfy, warm, loving and real people. it is really good to be there.

26 january

2007-01-26T10:24:00.000-05:00

JOY IS SO WONDERFUL!

(really really awesome!)

for today and every day my new word to chase with every ounce in me is:

that's what i'm gonna do...

STOP HOLDING BACK

TALK

LAUGH

DON'T TIP TOE

'STOMP'

23 january

2007-01-23T14:38:00.000-05:00

i started school yesterday... holy majolie i am going to be biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizee! i will literally be sitting IN class 24 hours a week! And then there's study time! WHOA!

I'm taking:
Intro to Chemistry (I took this last summer but got a B-, I need a solid B to transfer it! bummah!)
Intro to Organic and Biochemistry
Microbiology
Anatomy and Physiology II

yeah ME! :(
but... and it's a good but.. I'll be a nurse a year from this August!

14 january

2007-01-15T15:53:00.000-05:00

cool books you guys might want to read.. they are AWESOME:

Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom
The Way Is Within by Ron Rathbun

14 january

2007-01-15T15:34:00.000-05:00

What I am thinking to write is that I am just full of crap.. but that thought is untrue. It's me being insecure, a bit afraid that my last blog was offensive or scary to those of you in my life who have walked beside me in our Christianity. I don't not believe, in fact I feel I believe so much more then ever before, it's just that my understanding of things is changing. Expanding. It's really neat being open to bigger ideas- to the stuff that maybe my subconscious is aware of that I can't consciously tap into. God said that we are all created in His image- so we are complete. Afterall, He is, right? So we must be to.

For my whole life I have prayed about things, but my prayers have always seemed to be going out, somewhere beyond and outside of me. It's left me in a place of irresponsibility, like I don't have any action to take except say the words and wait, for something outside me. It's been a neat transition to recognize that I am created whole, that the answers are within me already. I know my purpose somewhere deep inside; I just need to become in tune enough and quiet enough to hear, listen and not criticize. It's neat to pray this way.

Anyway, sounds like I have been even deeper and deeper than my normal deep and depressing, huh? The interesting and wonderful thing is that I am living a lot free-er these days and am laughing a lot more and not getting beat down. So I think that I am finally on the right track, at least for me.

it's a cool journey.

I guess I just need to rest in the idea that there is grace if I fall, if these ideas prove a bunch of poop, because I am not trying to create anything but instead am simply trying to understand, without being controlled by fear.

11 january

2007-01-11T11:55:00.000-05:00

Man, I talk too much. Can I just say this.. all of that that I wrote on Monday- that's just me processing me. I am sorry if it felt like I was pointing outward at anyone else.

Have a wonderful day.
:)

9 january

2007-01-09T20:25:00.001-05:00

“Do not merely talk about doing beautiful things. Do them, experience them, so life will not elude you.”

I know that it’s been a long time. I don’t even really know what to write because I have so much to write but it’s all so internal that I don’t know what to write and what to just keep to myself. There’s just been so much going on inside me. Like THAT’S new! Ha! But for the first time I recognize who I am inside and see that the time I am spending being inward is actually causing honest healing and growth. Not growth towards any certain marked goal but growth into and towards what I have always desired internally- feeling settled and peaceful no matter what kind of tangible situation I am in and knowing who I really am and what makes sense to my mind and heart and living by it. There’s this whole side of me that I have suppressed for a very long time without even realizing it. Knowing myself fully. I am just so tired of being bland oatmeal, dry toast, tepid water, beige wallpaper. There is so much inside me, so much that is alive that I haven’t allowed out because I’ve told myself it doesn’t fit with picture I’ve inadvertently painted myself into. Simply put- I, at some point, told myself that a person wanting a peaceful life is always peaceful on the outside, doesn’t rock the boat or cause any kind of shock.

But there’s feisty inside me, bright colors, ‘umph’, crazy, silly, passion, aggression and sometimes shock. Granted, a quiet, reflective spirit resides, as well. At some point I put that passionate, ‘umphy’ side into a little box in my heart and have tried to ignore it. Only problem with that is it’s a very alive part of me that’s been trying to bust out of the box for a long time and so I have constantly felt split apart, two different people, stuck and sad- ultimately unloving and unaccepting of myself.

It’s led me to this- I am seeing two things- a lack of confidence and dishonesty. It’s true that a peaceful person is peaceful on the inside and out but being a peaceful person doesn’t mean you walk around humming ‘om’ all day with your eyes closed. It means knowing who we are FULLY, accepting who we are FULLY and living that to our best, not quieting any particular part just to ‘look’ the part on the outside. I am coming to see that a truly peaceful person loves themselves completely and lives themselves with complete passion and abandon- the peaceful quiet and the aggressive fesity. A truly peaceful person is WHOLE. Because you know what? When we can really honestly, truly and with passion live who we are then we get to see the world around us with full acceptance, without judgement, loving others for who THEY are and where their story is leading them, and we can be open to have honest truthful change in our lives.

And it’s interesting, too, how all of this is impacting my understanding of my long held beliefs- most notably Christianity. I have been challenging what was taught to me about God for a few years now but hadn’t found a restful place in my challenging. I believe that I am really ‘getting’ God, for me, now. The spirit side of us and this world, this universe, is just so BIG. Who can possibly understand it all? Yet the institutions of most religions- in our efforts to understand them- has put them in a box with a bow on top and has presented God to the world as a tidy little package. ‘This is what you must believe to know God.” How is that possible? God is so much bigger than we could ever hope to understand.

How does putting God in a convenient little package filled with rules, regulations, fears and guilt produce freedom and living life with abandon? What if what’s inside me, what I learn is fully ‘me’- a wonderful, beautiful being created by this very same God- doesn’t fit with what’s in that box? Instead of freedom this view of faith produces fear. Fearful of expressing who I truly am. Is that a good way to live? Half-alive and critical of my true nature? Does God want me to be devoted to him because I am afraid? It just doesn’t make any sense. There is SO MUCH MORE!

I believe God is so much bigger and more loving then that. We are all connected. Unfortunately religion has done it’s best to separate us. “These people are good and those people are bad”. I just can’t wrap my brain around that. Aren’t we all from the same fabric? Aren’t we all born with so much potential and love and passion? So why do we have to be all divided up? All division does is cause criticism, judgment, tearing down, misplaced pride, unacceptance, hate and an unrealistic view of ourselves- that I am better than you. And think about the idea of judgment of others. If I judge something you are doing as wrong, bad or stupid I am doing that from my own world view. Come on! What do I even know? And most of the time don’t you think judging others happens when we are unhappy and insecure in ourselves? Focusing on what we perceive as negative in someone else helps distract us from the things we need to change in our own lives- our own weaknesses and insecurities. And think about it, judgment maintains that what I think and the way I live is ‘correct’, the ‘right way’ and the other person is wrong. Am I God? Aren’t we ALL supposedly designed and created to be in the image of God? Being judgmental is giving into fear. I fear I am not good enough. What an amazing place we would all be in if we could overcome these thoughts and accusations, bravely look at our own lives, control our minds and listen to our hearts so that we can accept and love ourselves, therefore accepting and loving everyone else, and grow into the beautiful people we were created to be with our own individual strengths, beliefs and character. The coolest thing is that God is inside us, we are created with all we need. The answers are not ‘out there’ somewhere, they are inside us all.

If we are all following out hearts, being true to ourselves, responsible with out thoughts and actions towards others- making sure that the ripples of our actions encourage growth, acceptance and a feeling of love in others- then THAT is God. God in action. Each of us becoming closer and closer to each other on a level we might not actually be able to see but that is the most real anything ever could be.

Foster love.
It’s really the only thing that matters.
And in this loving environment we all can’t help but to grow, to blossom, to abundantly thrive.

This is my journey- I’m growing into wholeness, and loving every moment of the journey.
I haven’t experienced this kind of healthy…ever.

And guess what? My laughter came back. And my silliness is working it’s way back to the surface. And I’m, day by day, learning to control the thoughts in my mind so that I can stay present with my body. For the first time in a very long time I am living with much peace in my present, not regretfully in my yesterdays or anxiously in my tomorrows. I’m living Today.

It’s totally awesome.

And now for the tangible details of this life I have been really blessed with…

Keith: We’re not dating anymore. I still trust my heart, what I felt/feel about him, but if I have to give a reason I’ll say it just wasn’t the right timing. Who knows if it ever will be the right timing (I’d like to think might, tho). Like I wrote, I am trying to keep my mind and heart in today, more precisely this very moment, after all it’s all I have control of. We still see each other all the time and laugh and talk and have fun and stuff so it’s a good thing. He really is a wonderful person. WONDERFUL. But yeah, I need to keep an eye on my heart lest it be smooshed into oblivion.

House: I MOVED! I moved at the beginning of December into my own apartment. It’s a duplex but upstairs-downstairs rather then side-by-side. My friend Sean and his wife Erika live downstairs, I have the 2nd and 3rd floors. It’s huge- 3 bedrooms. So a friend from work, Eileen, moved in yesterday. It is in Glastonbury, further from town, closer to the woods and I knocked $1000 dollars off my monthly bills (so awesome). My new address is P.O.Box 3 (yes three, I laughed when I heard that) Glastonbury, CT 06025.

School: Seems this is an ever-changing thing. I think I have everything in order and then it turns out I don’t. Today was another one of those days. I went to register for classes that start next week intending to be all lined up to get in the May-start Intensive program at St. Joseph’s only to find out I can’t take 2 of my sciences at the same time. I was really so discouraged this afternoon but some time and some good encouragement from a friend and I am facing it head on again. I am just so anxious to get this thing done so it’s incredibly frustrating that I can’t even get it STARTED. I’ll let you know when I get it figured out. No matter what I do I will be a nurse sometime during my 33rd year.

Christmas and New Years: Great. I was reminded what a wonderful, beautiful family I have. Feels like I hadn’t seen my cousins in ages, it was so good to talk and connect. I was fresh in my emotions about breaking up with Keith so I was going to trade the whole thing for 2 days in Vermont by myself. I am very thankful I decided to be braver then that. I have a remarkable family and would have missed being reminded of that blessing.

Fun: I drove to Vermont on Sunday and got a snowboard! WEEEEEEEEEEEE! Mom and Wayne said they’d buy me the set-up for my last birthday and Christmas. It’s awesome! I’ll post a picture when I take one. I am taking boxing and kick-boxing classes at a boxing gym in town and Bikram yoga, too- 1 ½ hour yoga classes in a room heated near 104 degrees! Both are fun, different and challenging. I am really enjoying using my body and mind, seeing what I am made of and particularly not being embarrassed to try new things. I am trying to become a better, faster runner so am training my muscles in lots of ways now. My next race- I am getting prepared to start training for the Nipmuck Trail Marathon this coming May. It’s a 30 mile off-road run and supposed to be ridiculously hard. What a wonderful feeling it will be to complete THAT! And then? I have some ideas, he he he. This spring I’d like to try out mountain biking and start training for an autumn triathalon (if there is one, I better start researching that). Maybe someday soon an Ironman will be on my horizon?

Resolutions: Well since I am always resolving to grow and change I didn’t have anything in particular except that I would like to start thinking differently about my debt so that I actually start making a dent in it, a BIG HUGE dent. Or even better, does anyone know that magic trick where you can make someone disappear? I could put that into good use on my debt.

Crazy, when I woke up this morning I knew I was going to update my blog but I had no idea I was going to get discouragement about school. Now that I have written all of this I can see that to do all the things I want to do- school, physical training, mental growth and debt management- I need to take my steps in school a little slower after all. If I fill my days with all these wonderful things while making time for friendships, in these next two years I will accomplish so many personal goals and get my RN. Being debt free and armed with a skill I can use anywhere, all of a sudden ANYTHING could be my next opportunity (though let’s be honest, Alaska is the next place on my list) Isn’t it cool how the world conspires to help us accomplish our dreams? And to think how disgusted I was just a few hours ago when I thought of school and how my plans were ‘ruined’.

Another cool thing, this morning my yoga teacher said a short phrase that inspired my mind to; “Having a strong stubborn character is a good thing because wherever you put your mind you will use that character to push you to achieve.” And here is how it helped me only a couple hours later concerning school; Keith texted- “Don’t forget about how powerful that stubborn character you have is. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. That’s why the journey is the building block that we get to rest upon when we get there.”

What a wonderful life we all have. What possibilities.

Makes me smile.

chels

2006-12-12T09:53:00.000-05:00

i'm sorry for being a lame-o at updating this. i need to get my thoughts together. i love you and think about you SO often! i hope you are finding a sense of peace, joy and contentment in your heart today.

wonderful email i received

2006-12-12T09:47:00.000-05:00

Billy Graham and Oprah

Last year I watched Billy Graham being interviewed by Oprah Winfrey on television. Oprah told him that in her childhood home, she use to watch him preach on a little black and white TV while sitting on a linoleum floor.

She went on to the tell viewers that in >his lifetime Billy has preached to twenty-million people around the world, not to mention the countless numbers who have heard him whenever his crusades are broadcast. When she asked if he got nervous before facing a crowd, Billy replied humbly, "No, I don't get nervous before crowds, but I did today before I was going to meet with you."

Oprah's show is broadcast to twenty-million people every day. She is comfortable with famous stars and celebrities but seemed in awe of Dr. Billy Graham.

When the interview ended, she told the audience, "You don't often See this on my show, but we're going to pray." Then she asked Billy to close in prayer. The camera panned the studio audience as they bowed their heads and closed their eyes just like in one of his crusades.

Oprah sang the first line from the song that is his hallmark "Just as I am, without a plea," misreading the line and singing off'-key, but her voice was full of emotion and almost cracked.

When Billy stood up after the show, instead of hugging her guest, Oprah's usual custom, she went over and just nestled against him. Billy wrapped his arm around her and pulled her under his shoulder. She stood in his fatherly embrace with a look of sheer contentment..

I once read the book "Nestle, Don't Wrestle" by Corrie Ten Boom. The power of nestling was evident on the TV screen that day. Billy Graham was not the least bit condemning, distant, or hesitant to embrace a public personality who may not fit the evangelistic mold. His grace and courage are sometimes stunning.

In an interview with Hugh Downs, on the 20/20 program, the subject turned to homosexuality. Hugh looked directly at Billy and said, "If you had a homosexual child, would you love him?" Billy didn't miss a beat. He replied with sincerity and gentleness, "Why, I would love that one even more."

The title of Billy's autobiography, "Just As I Am," says it all. His life goes before him speaking as eloquently as that charming southern drawl for which he is known.

If, when I am eighty years old, my autobiography were to be titled "Just As I Am," I wonder how I would live now? Do I have the courage to be me? I'll never be a Billy Graham, the elegant man who draws people to the Lord through a simple one-point message, but I hope to be a person who is real and compassionate and who might draw people to nestle within God's
embrace.

Do you make it a point to speak to a visitor or person who shows up alone at church, buy a hamburger for a homeless man, call your mother on Sunday afternoons, pick daisies with a little girl, or take a fatherless boy to a baseball game?

Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look when you're looking for what's beautiful in someone else?

Billy complimented Oprah when asked what he was most thankful for; he said, "Salvation given to us in Jesus Christ" then added, "and the way you have made people all over this country aware of the power of being grateful."

When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."

How unexpected. We would all live more comfortably with everybody around us if we would find the strength in being grateful and happily incompatible.

Let's take the things that set us apart, that make us different, that cause us to disagree, and make them an occasion to compliment each other and be thankful for each other. Let us be big enough to be smaller than our neighbor, spouse, friends, and strangers.

Every day, may we Nestle, not Wrestle!

19 november

2006-11-19T10:26:00.000-05:00

"Let the grateful heart sweep through the day that it may recognize in every hour some sweet blessing."

6 november

2006-11-06T23:24:00.000-05:00

wazzzzup? :) just wanted to say hi to my big ol' audience out there... :P nothing much to report these days cuz there's not much going on except the same old stuff. here's the highlights:

SCHOOL:
It's kicking my ass. Well I'm LETTING it do that because I'm not spending enough time on it. I just took my 2nd anatomy and physiology test last Tuesday and, well, lets just say I'm wincing at the thought of getting it back tomorrow night because I am not even confident I passed it. DOH! This isn't me being dramatic, by the way! I'm looking into going to a different school for nursing, a private one more local that will get me thru 6 months earlier. I am still in the beginning stages talking to them though so I really don't know all the details yet.

HOUSE:
It's still standing so that's good! :)

KEITH:
Amazing.. simply amazing. He's a gift, what can I say? Better every day then I could have EVER imagined. Except for the part about growing, MAN do relationships call us to grow and sometimes it gets exhausting. But we're better people for it if we just stick to the growing, right? I love this man! He got his surgery two weeks ago this Wednesday- 2- 7 cm plates and 11 screws in his collar bone! sheesh! So he has been sore and achy and just resting in hopes of quicker healing.

ALLIE:
Cute as ever though tick infested! eiw. Poor girl.

CONNECTICUT:
Well it's autumn, the leaves have changed colors and fallen already, I have a date with my rake tomorrow morning. I'm gathering the second 'harvest'- Wayne and Mom have been doing most of the work around here. We have had the first, second and third frost already and it hit 20-ish degrees the other night. Brrrrrrrr!

WORK:
ummmm.. (positive Sarah! if you can't say anything positive then keep your mouth shut!) ok... I LOVE my co-workers! And it's almost covering my bills... ALMOST! :(

So that's me for now.
You are all wonderful and really missed. hmph.

When you get a chance go rent "What The Bleep Do We Know".. it's wicked interesting and mind blowing!

:)

22 october

2006-10-22T18:21:00.000-04:00

My life seems to be so 'me focused' these days.

MY work, MY house, MY trips to california and hawaii, MY marathon, MY new relationship, MY problems, stress, school crap, thoughts, ideas, emotions, defenses.... UGH!

When did this happen and HOW does it happen without even noticing, that's what I want to know. I went for a long walk today, supposed to be a run but I slowed to a walk, it was one of those times I just needed to hang out with God and let him get his thoughts about this life out to me. I realized I have been half asleep through the last few months of my life. Yeah, there's been a lot going on but how does MY life and activities take precidence over pouring into other people and caring about them more than me? I have even gotten into the crappy habit of, after being asked about my day to FORGET to then ask how the other person is doing.. what the hell is THAT? :(

Anyway, I was just thinking today how amazing it would be to be able to wake up every day without the cares and concerns from yesterday weighing us down.. and the cares and concerns for tomorrow. To be able to wake up fresh and new, like rebirth, EVERY DAY. To be able to look the day and every situation we walk into with fresh eyes and a completely open and caring heart ready to embrace those we come in contact with as if it's the first time ever. Wouldn't that be awesome? To hold each day and every person with such gentleness and care, like you would have to to hold a bubble in your hands without it bursting.

I need that fresh start... that change of vision.

14 october- Hartford Marathon

2006-10-15T22:05:00.000-04:00

I finished my first marathon!

I have wanted to do one since 1997 and finally did yesterday- the Hartford Marathon. I finished in 4:04... could have been quicker but the last 6 miles literally kicked my ass. .well and every other muscle up and down my body. And today?.. yeeeeeaaahh.. let's just say sore is a bit of an understatement, I am the silliest person to watch trying to walk down stairs. :)

What a wonderfully overwhelming experience. I was smiling ear to ear from mile 25 to 26.2 as I crossed the finish line- I was so overwhelmed in a great way. A life goal- THAT'S what I accomplished on Saturday. What a cool blessing.

My friend Chris started with me, she did the half marathon with her friend and then was waiting for me at the finish line with Keith (who found me 3 other times along the course with encouragement oozing out the smile on his face!) He's an Ironman-er and was going to do this race except for that little thing called a broken collar bone.

Anyway, I just wanted to share.
:)

and this.. I love you guys!

7 october

2006-10-13T21:38:00.000-04:00

Last weekend Keith and I made a trip down to Maryland for my old co-worker (now friend) Courtney’s wedding on Saturday and then to visit my old friend Jen and her family on Sunday. It was a great weekend, lots of talking and laughing and catching up.

The wedding was nice, the reception SO fun! Lots of happy people, dancing, delicious food and a photo booth! And of course Courtney was beautiful! It was so nice to see my old Cummin Associates co-workers too and for them to meet Keith (who ALL said great things about him). I loved seeing you guys!

Sunday we just spent some good time with Jen, Don and their cutie-pie son Charlie. I haven’t seen her in over a year but it was really nice.. turns out she’s the type of friend that you can just pick up where you left off, her heart is just beautiful. It was wonderful to see you Jen! I can’t wait for our next visit!

19 september- hawaii

2006-10-01T00:42:00.000-04:00

and so we checked tickets and I GOT TO GO TO HAWAII! :D

So out of the blue, instead of heading back to autumny Connecticut Tuesday morning I flew to Kaua’i. Haven’t been but have always imagined it would be a wonderful place to visit someday. Fun story to tell too, “yeah, I was in California and somehow or another I ended up in Hawaii.” J The first couple hours we just kept all saying “WE’RE IN HAWAII” ha! The best part was being there with some good friends though, I wouldn’t have headed there at that point in time just for me but I scooped up the chance to do it with some good friends.

me, steve, sara, sean, dez and doug

We stayed at a Mariott resort, the type of place I would have never imagined myself. It was ON the water.. pools everywhere literally at the ocean’s edge so you could go between the ocean and the pool and back all day long. The place itself had 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a huge kitchen, living room and porch with a little yard complete with chickens, roosters, 5 kitties and some huge frogs. And lets not forget the Plumeria that Steve was literally obsessed with as much as I was with rainbows and sea turtles. It was a very amazing week. At first I didn’t know what to do with myself, all that relaxation, but it grew on me. I had to study a bunch while I was there for an exam the day I returned but it was totally worth it. And I had to take a test for my online Genetics class that Sunday.. suppose there could be worse places to have to take a test! :)

We did all the beachy things- snorkeling, swimming, Steve surfed a bunch, eating, drinking mai tai’s, reading and sleeping. I tried to get some good marathon training runs in but that didn’t work so well, I think my longest was 4.5 miles! Oops. But wow it is beautiful there! My favorite parts were seeing 2 sea turtles in the ocean and the 2 sets of double rainbows. It’s majestic. Breathtaking. When I rented my snorkeling stuff I asked where are the best places to find sea turtles. The beach we ended up at was not one of those places recommended so for a quick second I was disappointed. Disappointed? IN HAWAII? I had to give myself a good ass-kicking (yup It DID look funny!) “Geeze Sarah would you shut up, you are in Hawaii, now just be happy.” And the next thought was, “you know, God can put a sea turtle in there for me.” Steve saw it first and came over, grabbed my hand and dragged me through the water. I literally screamed and then smiled, smiled so much that I broke the seal on my mask and had to come up to empty the water. Holy crap, they are AMAZING! So graceful and beautiful. I was amazed. This place we live in is amazing, isn’t God just so creative and loving? Mmmmmmm..

And we went for a walk in the woods to this waterfall with a rope swing and some good cliff jumping spots. There were some REALLY brave people there doing all sorts of crazy jumps and things. It was so fun!

Thanks you guys, it was awesome! I am grateful for the invitation and your generosity and laughter. This will not be an experience I will easily forget.

steve and his plumeria

studying... ha!

hawaii with friends has a way of turning your face into a permanent smile...

luau

16 september

2006-09-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

It’s wedding mania in my friends’ lives. Apparently September and October are the new June. My friends Karen got married late August, Adam September 16th, Sean September 23rd and next weekend is Courtney’s. I don’t have great photos of Karen’s and Sean’s (who I also threw a party for at my house for he and Erika with all of our Max Amore co-workers) weddings so I will upload those a little later. But of Adam’s I’ve got a kazillion.. and it’s also where my last 2 weeks began.

So Adam called me sometime mid August to ask if I would be able to come out for his wedding September 16th. I was all, “umm.. your WHAT?” Afterall, he had talked to me about Karen (his then girlfriend) a bit but the last I knew she was just that, his girlfriend of something like 8 months- I hadn’t had the opportunity to meet her yet. Needless to say I was a little surprised but after I got over the shock I was happy happy happy. Adam has been desiring to be a husband for as long as I’ve known him (12 years).. his mom says it’s been since he was a little boy. It was a small wedding, just the immediate family and a couple friends. I couldn’t believe it… that I would be one of the few friends he wanted to be there- what a blessing. So of course I made the trip, which was planned to be Thursday (14th) late night til the following Tuesday (19th) mid-day.

Friday I spent some time with my old EPT co-workers. I met them at the office and had ‘family lunch’ with them. Every Friday we used to stay in and order lunch together to eat and talk sitting around the conference table. How cool to be among them again- it was such a sweet and fun time to be a part of the ‘family’. For a moment it felt like I had never left. It was great to see you guys! Steve- sorry I missed you!

kara and i

Saturday was the wedding. Just to clear things up right off there are 2 Karens in this story- Karen Vincent, Adam’s mom and Karen Eggehorn, Adam’s wife (WOW Adam! You have a WIFE!) ‘Mom’ and I headed down to Laguna Beach Friday night to meet up with Karen and her bridesmaids and mom. We did some preparing but really just snuggled into bed to get rested for Saturday because the wedding was first thing in the morning- 9am.

The details of the morning aren’t necessary. Oh WAIT! I forgot to say.. Adam’s Karen is SO awesome. The minute I met her I totally understood Adam’s ‘Why wait?’ reasoning to my question, ‘Why so soon?’ She seems to be such a wonderful match for him, the type of person he has been looking out for for a long time. She is very sweet, gentle and kind, honest, peaceful and beautiful. And to top it all off she is a surfer chick! When I met her I thought ‘Oh, RIGHT! I totally get it now.’ You go, Adam! :)

So anyway, the wedding was ridiculously perfect and beautiful. It was on the beach at Laguna. We originally had ‘seats’ on embroidered towels on the sand but were gently encouraged to stand up and surround them as they said their vows by the wave of water that splashed up and surrounded us wetting every inch of sand beneath us- it was So awesome! Such a surprise. And you know, so great to be able to physically embrace them as they got married. Our friend Aaron married them. It was a really nice 75-ish degree morning, the sun was just fresh in the bright blue sky and the ocean was all sparkly and beautiful. It was neat to see how well their personalities came out in the physical details of the wedding. Very sweet.

The lunch reception was at a nice hotel in town, just a great time to be able to catch up with a bunch of old friends I haven’t talked to in a loooooooong time.. probably since Ben and I broke up a kaziliion years ago. It’s neat to hear how everyone has grown and changed. Seems it’s the pattern as people get closer and closer to 30- you get perspective, grow up and out of your crazy 20’s and start to embrace the real beauty in life and our potential.

What a wonderful wedding.

Karen and Blanca (Adam's Karen's Mom)

Jonathan, Lauren and Ben

Karen (mom) and I drove around a bunch afterwards, stood on the beach and talked for awhile and eventually made it back to her house and crashed- it was a long but awesome day and a half.

Sunday was beach and bbq day with a couple friends from college- Sara, Sean, Steve, Kamala, Alice, Desiree, Rama and Paul. Fun day. The most fun part being when Sara mentioned to me that she, Steve, Sean, Desiree and D’s husband Doug were heading to Kaua’I (Hawaii) on Tuesday. “Oh and by the way Sarah (me).. you should come!”

“I can’t go to Hawaii.” (fast forward 35 minutes)

“….now wait, why CAN’T I go to Hawaii?”

7 september

2006-09-07T07:46:00.000-04:00

Jackson, I just want to say thanks again. You are an amazing friend with great insight.

He told me this and it really made sense and hit home:

"Just remember; things don't always work out the way you want them to....... they work out the way you need them to."

Maybe it'll strike a chord with the rest of you, too.

Things.. well life.. has been an interesting combination of surprise, really deep feel-y stuff (with the resultant tears) and ultimately feeling blessed and confused all at the same time. This isn't the best place for me to write it- maybe in the future. But I'll talk, so call if you want.

I love you guys!
:)

30 august

2006-08-30T11:48:00.000-04:00

"IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHO YOU ARE."

19 august

2006-08-19T07:08:00.000-04:00

There seems to have been a theme in my life this week- a lesson I am certain I need to be learning and brave enough to face.

"You need to make a decision."

This came first in talking about the house and my part in it, then concerning school and finally relationship stuff. What is it though about the future that feels so scary? I stay still because moving, though it could mean I am making the right decision, could also mean I am making the wrong one.

Fear is an amazing emotion. Amazing in the worst sense of the word. I thought this week about fear and it's impact in my life and realized that fear doesn't need to be as scary as it seems. What if I make the wrong decision? SO WHAT! So your heart gets hurt a little bit. It'll get better and I'll move forward, because making a decision could also mean I make the right one- how wonderful would that be? Far better then standing here stuck in fear like concrete poured around my feet.

My friend Jess has some beautiful thoughts on happiness- and the choice to be just that. Her blog is on my links on the right hand side bar, go read it, called "Happiness is Choice." It's really good. (thanks Jess)

so today's the day, I'm going to really start considering the direction my feet are to go without succombing to fear. I'm going to give ear to my heart and value it enough to follow it. Well, I'll try, at least.

:)

13 august

2006-08-13T08:36:00.000-04:00

I’m really bad at keeping up with this thing, huh? It’s not like it’s difficult to write, I just suppose I am not setting it as a priority anymore, I should. I am grateful to the handful of you that remind me to write, like I’ve said lots before, it helps me to keep writing knowing that I am not just sitting here writing a journal to myself. :)

So i’m gonna start now and work backwards, I can keep track of things easier that way. I’m in Bar Harbor, Maine right now, just me and Allie.

I’m sitting in front of my campfire on a blanket with a magic hat #9 and my computer. I am certain there are people thinking things like “geesh, can’t people get away from their computers for even just a little bit?” :P (I’m sure I look silly, all glowing in the dark from the light of the screen) but I AM away, I got up here by myself to just have some time to ‘be’, away from regular life distractions and to do some of the things I have wanted to for a month now- write and think and hike in the woods and feel a crispy cool autumn-y breeze. I've never gone somewhere completely on my own like this. I left yesterday afternoon after work and arrived late last night (7 hour drive). I leave for home tomorrow morning after standing on the highest peak in the northeast (on Cadillac Mountain) and seeing the sunrise before anyone else in the United States, except, of course, for the people that are up there, too. It’s a quick trip but its amazing how long a day can seem when you’re all by yourself away from the normal routine! I’m not sure I could handle 2 days of ‘me’. ha!

Allie’s a little afraid of the campfire, she won’t sit on the blanket with me but instead is falling asleep a good 8’ behind me. :(
Last night we slept in my car all squished like and then today got settled in the campsite. I got to buy a tent, a head lamp and a backpack last week in preparation for this, it was fun! Yes, I know, I am definitely a geek! But the guy who helped me out at EMS (like REI for you west coast folk) didn’t seem to think so since he asked me out! (crap, that was funny and entirely unexpected!) Today I set up my sweet new tent and took a nap for a bit and then headed to town for a coffee and to get information on hiking. Up here around Bar Harbor is Acadia National Park, I don’t know how many thousands of acres it is but it’s huge, so there’s lots to do. And Maine has so many little inlets where the Atlantic flows in so there’s water everywhere (I think they’re called ‘archepelagos’). The hike we went on was only 4.5 miles but was the hardest hike I have ever been on, took us 3 ½ hours! We climbed 680 feet in elevation to be able to look out over the bays. Doesn’t sound like much height but it kicked my butt! I was so surprised how well Allie did, there was a lot of actual climbing up rocks and she just hopped right up them. It was cool. A couple I met along the way who hike that trail a lot made it back to the parking lot at the saem time as me and said "wow, you completeld that FAST!" what abot 4.5 miles in 3.5 hours is FAST?!? But I guess that's cool. :)
(i added the teeny tiniest pebble on top :D )
On the east coast there’s a system of trails called the ‘Blue Blazed Trails’, they are just that- trails that are worn a little or a lot, the only way you know you are going the right direction is to follow the little light blue splotches of paint on random trees. Today’s trail was marked the same way. Funny thing tho, kind of an analogy on life I suppose, sometimes you get to an area where it doesn’t look like there is a trail anywhere and no blue dots to be seen. It strikes a momentary bout of fear in ya, reality check, but you HAVE to move, the blue dots aren’t going to jump out and bite you! So you move in the direction you deem best and then, ta-da! there’s the trail marker. Isn’t that so much like life? It goes along just fine and dandy, I’m focused and on the right path when all of a sudden there are choices to be made and I don’t know which one is best. Then there’s fear and frustration. I HAVE to take a step toward SOMETHING because standing still is going to keep me doing just that, standing still. Is this a lesson in faith? We HAVE to take a step and then things are revealed. Hmph. I think I’d rather just know. I guess I need more bravery…
(blue paint splotch)
Anyway, I met a bunch of nice people along the way thanks to Allie- people are very captivated by her. I got asked “is she sick?” and “did she eat a bunch of blueberries?” (talking about her purple tongue). funny. “Nope, she’s just part Chow.” I like the blueberry comment! :) and they were usually all, “oh, hi sweetie. " And I said “oh, geesh, I’m so glad you’re happy to see me!” ;P thankfully they laughed! Hikey- outdoorsy people sure are nice.

After the hike we went and waded in this remarkably gigantic and breathtaking lake (Echo Lake) and then walked around the little downtown for a bit. And now it’s now. Me, computer, campfire. (my campsite’s right on one of the inlets! Beeeeutiful!)

Oh WOW! I JUST looked up in the sky, there are so many stars up here and I saw a shooting star! And now I remember, my buddy told me there are metor showers this weekend. I’m going to shut this thing off and go watch for them, as many as 1 every 4 minutes. How could I forget this?!?

------
I saw 11 shooting stars before I got too sleepy and went to bed! :D
------

Tomorrow I head back home, I have class tomorrow night, it’s the last week. But then my fall classes start a week after next (Anatomy and Physiology I and Genetics). BOOOOOOO! Let me just throw out there that I am totally NOT into this school thing. Just give me my RN already, I’ll learn as I go! :P

sunset sunday night

sunrise monday morning from Cadillac Mountain

4 august

2006-08-04T08:35:00.000-04:00

No sooner did the family leave then my step-sister and bro-in-law Christine and Christopher had their baby, Zachary- their first. He’s a cutie! And apparently a Giants fan- (Go Giants!) :)

19 july - 2 august, G's visit

2006-08-02T08:34:00.000-04:00

The last 2 ½ weeks flew by- I was completely lacking in anything looking like my ‘normal’ schedule. I quit my day job at the Landscape place on a Friday and then Goeorgia, Steve and the kids came for a 2 ½ week visit. They haven’t been here to visit in 4 years so needless to say the family loved seeing everyone because the kids have grown so big, Gabriel is a brand new addition and Georgia is in such a better ‘place’ these days- she’s genuinely happy.

We did a lot of ‘small town’ Connecticut activities- picking blueberries and peaches, swimming on the Connecticut River, at the ocean in Groton and Newport, RI and at Cotton Hollow, a natural swimming hole in the woods around here. I haven’t been a beach bum this much in years I can’t even remember! We also went to both the Mystic and New England Aquariums. New England Aquarium is in Boston. The kids had a fun time up there, they had never been on a subway so we took the T around, they were really excited- my cousin Maureen being her usual excellent guide around the city.

And the kids were begging for lobster so we went out when we were in Newport, RI for the day. Gabe had his first introduction to these little creatures.

The kids are so big it’s crazy, particularly Gabe. I had a good time just being with them and observing them a bit, they are all really growing into their unique personalities and none are the same. Emery and Savannah are avid readers and get along really well, beating each other up and laughing together. Madeline is happy-go-lucky tho a little on the sensitive, high-maintenance side. And Gabe, well he’s just simply getting big- he’s going to be a tough kid!

But mostly it was really good to just have some time with Georgia, we don’t talk much on the phone anymore because of schedules and life and stuff so, for me, it was very good to just ‘be’ together. As silly as this sounds, we had our best connection and conversation after everyone else was off to bed, sitting in the bathroom with toothbrushes and toothpaste in our mouths.

It was good to have them all here.

Madeine with veggies from my garden

Gabe
Mom, Gabe, Savannah, Madeline and I picking blueberries

Gabe and Emery

bloobs up the nose.. :PAt our old neighbors' house/farm, the Mullers. They hadn't seen Georgia since she was 18!

Mrs. Muller, me, Georgia and Jess
Steve and Georgia

G, the kids, Steve, Wayne, Mom, Christine and Christopher (step sister and bro-in-law)

photos below: Cotton Hollow

photos below- Newport, RI with step mom Sue and my Dad

Dad and Sue

17 july

2006-07-17T21:43:00.000-04:00

evenin'!

just wanted to check in and smile at ya
:)
and to let you know i'll be writing more here soon. georgia, steve and the kids are coming here in one hour for a TWO WEEK visit (yay) so i am trying to get as much of my stupid statistics homework done before that. i am certain i'll be posting as we go on adventures and take lots of pictures..

and then this is so you can remind me what i need to write a bit about.
1. my dose of catholicism (and unfortunate outoud laughter! :\ )
2. school
3. leaving my landscape architecture job
4. FINDING 'HEALTHY' (and the resultant 'happy')! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

for now here are a couple pictures of the kids and i from last august and january. can't wait to post updated ones (and to give those little dudes huge hugs!)

Sometime between then and now..

2006-06-24T22:16:00.000-04:00

It has definitely been awhile since I last wrote. On the phone the other day my friend Hope mentioned that she was bummed I hadn't been updating this lately, in the background my buddy Dave, her husband, said "yeah, since april 21st."
oops!

Honestly guys, I didn't realize anyone was reading this anymore.. seriously, how interesting can reading things about this silly life of mine BE?! Life's been kinda mellow and really busy with boring stuff so I didn't have much inspiration or interesting events to share...

As it turns out tho, I have more than I thought!

So HI!
:D
(I miss you guys..)

I changed the title of the blog just to make it a little more applicable to where I am now.. For as long as I can remember I have dreampt of setting roots and becoming settled though my habit has been to be on the constant move. I don't want to be a 'nomad' anymore! I decided to retire that title and go with what this is.. just thoughts.

Hoping this is finding all of you surrounded with an indescribable sense of peace and calm... even if you are in the midst of stormy circumstances.

There's been silly life things like changes in schedule and focus but I think the most remarkable, and most important situation came this past Wednesday.. a 'date' with my Dad. Most of you guys already know a bit about our relationship.. that it's been more bad than good and that it's been something I haven't been able to just make peace with and walk away from. This would take a long time to write and would require me to be a little more raw and honest here than I feel like being right now but the gist of it is this- He called on Sunday (Father's Day) and offered his ear, since I've been kinda low, so I invited him up for a walk in the woods so we could talk. And you guys, it was really so good. We both talked and we both listened (remarkable!) and by the end I understood that a lot of what I have believed about his care (or lack of) for me was and is totally false. Now the hard part- readjusting those internal programmed responses towards him and, in particular, my life and current relationships. There's more, but this is enough to chit chat about for now.

He called today to thank me for the walk and dinner :)

I look at this whole thing with frustration, for god's sake I'm THIRTY.. but though I am confident and capable and responsible in 95% of the areas of my life, there is this small area that has gotten lost and is self-demeaning, an area that has needed a good 'hug' from my dad for a long time....

More than anything in my life I want to be as authentic, gentle, honest, simple and loving (like the kind god's given me and i've seen in others) as I can be .. I can see how being able to reclaim that 5% will enable me to be even more the woman I desire to be. Authentically ME. I'm wicked excited and looking forward to finding lots of laughter, lightness and connection.
:)

Thanks to those of you that have been walking beside me through this life-o-mine, you are my little encouragers and blessings!

And now to summarize the last few months in bullet points...

I had a run-in with poison ivy all over my arms, hands,stomach and ankles (a month of the itchies, 2 courses or prednisone and hives, ICK!)
I ran in a half-marathon up in New Hampshire with my cousin Maureen, came in 1:52 minutes.. my goal was 2 hours so... :D
I took Mom up to Quebec for her birthday and Mother's Day along w/ Maureen and Wayne
With the help of my amazing friend Karen, I started my first honest to goodness garden (and nope, I'm not moving Karen V., so I guess the 'spell' is broken, yay!)
I was introduced to a couple new trails in the woods where I was already venturing through, so now I have LOTS of places to walk and run in the woods with Allie, which I seem to be able to do at least twice a week.. my garden and these walks are really really good for my outlook (like Van Gogh said-"...you will see that considering my life is spent mostly in the garden, it is not so unhappy." "For one's health it is necessary to work in the garden and see the flowers growing.")
Allie has started to brave the water and now lays down in it, which is huge, she never even used to like putting her paws in it! Today she fell in an overflowing brook and SWAM! YAY ALLIE! (I'm a geek, I know, but she's my little pride and joy)
My friends Hope and Dave had their son Sam in May (see the link to their blog over on the right)
Erin and Thad had their son Connor the same week (I haven't seen even one picture of him yet... :( )
I started school! So far only Chemistry, a 6 week intensive that I missed the first week of, so lets just say it kicked my butt right from the start tho since then I have caught up, it's already over in 2 weeks!
I only have 3 weeks left at Cummin Associates, the L.A. firm, and then it will just be me, school and Max Amore (the restaurant).
The house is coming along, we have been engaged with an architect for the last few weeks to flesh out the renovation plans (including an apartment over the garage for ME) I am SO excited about that!!! It's the first time in....ever...(?) that I have gotten excited about buying furniture, imagining paint colors, kitchen cabinets, what pictures to put on the walls, the plants outside my front door ad the layout of the living room to accomodate having people over to visit. I had a dream last night that it was all completed... :\ So we hope to go to the bank this coming week for a construction loan and begin asap... well see. I know I have said A LOT of different things concerning this house and stuff, so tho I'm hopeful, REALLY hopeful, I am still in the 'wait and see' mode.

Phew.

So there, that's what I've been up to.
:)
..more to come, not so long in between...

Photos Below: Quebec City and My Garden (back in April, I need to take a photo now with it all growing in... that's how i got my poison ivy :`( )

21 april- purpose

2006-04-21T12:09:00.000-04:00

i know.. i KNOW.. i think too much.

a couple years ago i questioned god what the purpose of all of this is, this life. he stopped me dead in my tracks with "the greatest of these is love." and then again, just last week, i asked that he remind me what he created me for and life in general and again i thought the same concept only this time it was a portion of a verse i couldn't remember the rest of- "love the lord your god with all your heart."

so, here's a reminder of his reminder to me (and it's SO awesome that this is applicable to everyone, everywhere, regarless of skill, gifts, talents, heart..)

Matthew 22:36-39
"Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" He said to him, "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

this life.
that's it.
period.
so profound and simple all at the same time...

and then there's this one too, it's just good..."I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:13-14

16 april- easter

2006-04-17T14:35:00.000-04:00

happy easter!

peep peep peep..

to be really honest i wasn't looking forward to easter, holidays have gotten a little unspecial to me over the years since i have been away from most of my family. saturday was a long day at work and so sunday was, in my mind, just going to be long and tiring. instead it was really really nice. first thing: it was the most beautiful spring day in my memory. bright and sunshiny, warm sun and breezes. mmmmmm. allie and i went for an early morning trail run, alright FINE, it was a trail jog-walk. :P sat in the middle of the stream on a rock and watched the water for awhile and then headed home.

a fun easter surprise was that dave and hope came up to massachusettes to visit their family so i got to have breakfast with them on their way back to virginia. it's awesome having the chance to catch up with them on a more regular basis. sam's coming in 5 weeks! HOLY COW!
while mom and i were getting the house cleaned up and some food cooked we had a chance to talk for awhile. we laughed. it's really cool to me how our 'art' of conversation is evolving, or maybe it's more mine?!? we are able to talk about sensitive issues like the house, money and emotions and laugh in the middle of it all yet still make progress. she's a great woman, i'm so thankful for her light heart, her child-likeness in attitude. so we talked for awhile then i went outside with my blanket, a pillow and my book to read in a sunny spot on the lawn. read, yeah, ok.. i slept. it was AWESOME! my tosies were tucked between blades of fresh grass and the little violets popping up everywhere. the perfect lazy spring sunday afternoon. mmmmm.

and then about 5 joey, ellen, chris and chris came over for a pot-luck style easter dinner and conversation. we sat around the table for nearly 3 hours and the conversation never stopped, it was a really nice time, REALLY nice.

so, easter was awesome afterall!

6 april- part of my work 'family'

2006-04-17T14:29:00.000-04:00

introducing: my peeps from Cummin Associates, my landscape architecture day job, out for lunch last week (2 others were not there)... super nice people. Courtney's leaving us tho, she's moving to maryland next week, which is a bummer (for us).

l-r: DJ, Courtney, Chelsea, Monica and i

29 march-4 april.. 30th bday in COLORADO!

2006-04-17T14:28:00.000-04:00

I turned 30! Thirty. THIRTY! (holy crap)

(cool things.. i got carded TWICE on my 30th birthday weekend and got 1st class flying home from utah...SWEET!)

I wanted to do something a little bit memorable to celebrate leaving my 20’s in the dust so I took a trip to Colorado to spend some time with a few friends for 5 days. Jesus and Jackson just moved to Denver in January so that’s where I headed (since my original thought 5 years ago was move to italy when I turned 30). My wonderful friend Millie joined me out there, she drove from Ogden, Utah for the adventure. No need to go into major detail about the trip.. in general it was the most restful and low-key trip I have taken in a really long time. This one I would really call a ‘vacation’. I wanted to get outside in the woods and hike and breathe fresh air. That’s what we did! I wore my hiking pants and sneaks more than anything else! Loved it. Colorado is a beautiful place. I’ve been having a crappy sort of time lately so it was a good break and a much needed time to be around some good friends.

(hartford sunset)

The friends in these photos are all, except for Millie, people that I know through Italy experiences one way or another. Jesus, Jackson, Neotha and I all worked over there together fall of 2002. Brandon I have only met on this side of the Atlantic, he worked over there the summer before I did. Millie’s an old friend, a laugh all the time as we grow old together type of friend (thanks for that, mill!)

I love you guys. Thanks for taking time to be with me.

(jesus, millie, me and jackson)

We slept in Denver right downtown (think 3rd street promenade in santa monica) and spent Sunday there but for the rest of the time were outside the city gettin’ into nature. Thursday, Millie and I headed down to Colorado Springs, an 1:15 south of Denver to hike with Brandon at the Garden of the Gods and then on some real, no-tourists trails. SO pretty out there!

('Kissing Camels')

Friday, Brandon, Jesus, Mill and I headed 2 hours west to go snow boarding/skiing at Breckenridge. It was my second day on a snow board (went to okemo in Vermont the Friday before), was wicked frustrated the first hour and then it all started to ‘click’. Boarding truly is SO freakin’ fun! yeah, I’m a Shreddin’ Betty! :P great time on the slopes.

(found this poster in the rental shop, cracked me up..spose I’m sick?!? J/k)

Saturday, Jackson, Jesus, Mill and I went 30 minutes northeast of Denver to Boulder to hike for the afternoon- it was like a huge playground- the BEST climbing rocks I’ve ever been on (for novices). I was all over them, there was always another rock to climb up higher. Jackson and Jesus went off and went REAL climbing while Millie and I found a good spot to sit, talk and take in the surroundings. The sky was beautiful (yes, that WAS a comfortable spot to lay tho it doesn’t look like it)

Sunday was hanging around Denver day- Jesus took us to his favorite coffee shop called Metrolpolis. Definitely worth the walk but kind of funny that we passed about 100 spots on the way until we finally reached this shop 40 minutes later. Delicious lattes and super warm sun shining through the window warming up our backs as we zoned out for awhile (Monday, too). Dinner on Sunday night and a surprise birthday cake given to me as I was standing up on my chair (they made me).. that was a wicked surprise, a fun surprise. :D

(jesus and jackson's apartment, 4th floor near the back)

(me, jesus, jackson and neotha)

Monday, Millie and I headed back to her home in Utah. Her car broke down in breck on Friday so we had to go pick it up, stopped in Vail to see the cool little town then made the 10 hour drive.. getting us home an hour north of Salt Lake at 3:30 am. TIRED! Spent some time with Millie and Kris and their doggies Brandy and Burton Tuesday morning for a really short amount of time and then headed to the airport for home.

I am so thankful for that time. I miss it (and miss you guys) already. sad. :(

28 march- karen's visit

2006-04-17T14:27:00.000-04:00

so right before taking off to colorado karen came for a visit... ALMOST an entire day. :( she had a training to go to about 45 minutes south of glastonbury so was able to stay one day longer and come for a little visit. mom grabbed her from centerbrook and she, mom and wayne came to max's for dinner since i was working. the next morning we went for breakfast and then a hike where allie and i go trail running. i thought getting in the woods would be a good thing for karen before she headed back to concrete los angeles... i was right, she loved it, WE loved it. mom was a crackup for the majority of the walk. and karen got to see the stream that inspired my last month's 'rambling', she asked where it was so i showed her.

it's been such a cool thing to have people come visit, SO MANY have, i feel wicked blessed! :)

please remember that my door is always open!

march/april- Matt & my birthdays

2006-04-17T07:38:00.000-04:00

ever since matt's been around our birthdays have been a week and a half apart but it wasn't until this year that it dawned on us to celebrate 'em TOGETHER! so here's photos from dinner a couple weeks ago, my little bro matt turned 23 and i'm THIRTY! (holy crap!)

(l-r) dad, sue (step mom), me, matt and chris (step brother)

20 march- life... a rambling take on it

2006-03-20T10:39:00.000-05:00

(read at your own risk- this is gonna be long!)

I was trail running yesterday- a long one. Almost back, about 1 ½ miles from my car I thought to stop and just take in my surroundings. I was hopping over rocks mid-stream and so stopped and looked at the trees and the water, listened to the loudness of the quiet- the branches rustling in the cold wind and the calls of the few brave birds who wintered over in Connecticut. There was this small area in the stream just down from where I was standing with 3 small downed branches lying just above the surface of the water with ice dripping off them. I went over there and sat down just to observe, to be in the moment- I was remembering how when I was a kid my sister and I used to go in the woods and clear the sticks and leaves out of the stream to help them flow better, cleaner, faster. But then, yeah you guessed it, my mind got going and ‘life’ analogies started flowing just like the water.

What if I came along just once and saw this icy area of the stream, no ice anywhere else that I could see, just in this little spot. I’d wonder why is it only icy here? If I questioned that then decided to revisit this same spot multiple times throughout the seasons I would learn all the factors going into creating this little microclimate- how it sits low, shaded by the bank of the river, how the water spits and jumps onto the branches, how the wind curves through making it colder here. Seeing it once just leaves a question and uncertainty- seeing it lots of times with observant eyes would teach me why. Like life.

Lately there’s been quite a few people who have been honest with me about life and struggles and stuff… and that’s me, too. Struggles with tangible situations as well as emotions, getting hung up and tired of these circumstances ,which are at least annoying and at the most seem crippling.

I was just thinking about how if we only get tripped up once we don’t really learn anything, don’t see the reason or understand the greater picture. If there’s a quick solution then we’re only bound to fall into that again. But if we visit a similar situation many times (usually frustrating and hard) in lots of seasons with observant ‘eyes’ then we will be able to spy the intricate details that go into creating that situation and only THEN will we have learned enough to be able to effectively change the details to finally affect a different outcome- to heal.

There was another thing I learned, too. Going back to that memory of cleaning out the stream.. It’s interesting to me how in a stream ecosystem everything affects what lies beyond it. In the area I was watching the water was moving so gracefully over the small fall, turning a bit in this pool and then carrying on its journey. If a stick were to come down the stream and get lodged into the fall the course of the water would change, the water may slow down or be forced to find a variation to its normal path, leaves would then get stuck, too, perhaps slowing the water and changing its course even more. The new way the water might flow could perhaps carve out a new edge in the bank, clear out debris and dislodge sticks further down the stream.

Suppose I was looking at the debris-free stream and waterfall as my life- clean, clear, inspired, forging straight ahead, ideas flowing and action taking place that produce forward progression., ways to see growth, goals achieved, joy produced. But then a stick gets lodged, leaves clump up, life slows down, doors close, dreams halt, invested energy is sitting still, making no progress. Life feels stuck, stagnant, purposeless, uninspired, sad, FRUSTRATING. In these moments what would happen if we looked beyond ourselves and saw that we are living life in choreography with others. That, like the stream, if the course of our life gets clogged, the clog may change the course of water in someone else’s life, buffing them, freeing them of the clogging sticks and clumps of leaves in their life.

I guess I was just reminded how important it is to recognize the intricate nature of relationships- how something that might cause us to be stopped in our tracks could serve to encourage and free others. The course our lives take, slow and sad or inspired and joyful all have impact on others. Silly, I know, but that 10 minutes watching the stream was just another encouragement to me to be looking outward rather then inward- to doing life with others, to be love for others, life, encouragement. We are all intricately designed. Life is a delicate balance. We all have a purpose, every moment, happy or sad, big or small, has purpose. If we can approach life in LOVE, thinking and considering others over ourselves (which, I know, is HARD to do) we’d find strength and growth in our uninspired ‘stuck’ moments and joy and purpose in our good times as we act as a force of strength and encouragement for others in their stuck times.

We need to be able to see life- others- through a bigger, grander and more creative cone of vision then what is natural to us. Open our eyes, see others in love and be willing to do life together no matter where we are personally.
Thanks to all of you guys that have, through your lives, reached in and freed the sticks and leaves that have clogged me up and for those of you that have allowed me to do that for you. I love you guys, ya’ll ROCK! :D

12 march

2006-03-15T07:48:00.000-05:00

went to a new church last sunday- a custome of mine recommended it about amonth ago- finally had the chance to go. i liked it. 2 things that were said that really hit home...

1) picture... from way up high on a mountain the pastor said he looked down on this picture- a wide, well groomed, beautiful wide path that looped the base of the mountain, millions of people walking on it, talking, moving gracefully. to the side was a very narrow, scrubby rocky path barely visible that lead steeply straight up the mountain, trash littered on all sides of it.

i was being a jerk and immediately thought- ok, yeah, another analogy about the wide path is the 'world' the narrow path the way to salvation.. cuz that's what we all have ever heard.

the pastor questioned god about this picture, what it meant...
the wide groomed path is the path of well-intentioned religion, people doing what they think is right but never being challenged in growth, never realizing that they are simply walking around in a big loop.
the narrow junky path is the footpath of the saints. the garbage along the sides was all the things that they had to throw away along the way to make the climb... tangible evidence of the emotional things thrown aside.

HOLY CRAP! that was way more profound. and i totally identified with it- my frustration with 'christianity'.. i will go on and on with you if you want to know, won't write it all here. but i was definately touched by that.

2) another pastor- the one who actually taught that morning said this: 2 loaves and5 fish... to feed 5000? yet the whole crowd was fed.. AND there was a lot left over. we will always feel inadequate with what we have, we will NEVER have enough on our own to meet needs and be anything at all. but we all have 2 loaves and 5 fish. we need to give those over to god, really give them not fearing that it's not enough nor that we won't have any left for ourselves... God will take care of the need AND THERE WILL BE MORE THAN ENOUGH IN THE END. He was definately teaching on an emotional level- not tangible (like money and 'things')

HOLY CRAP again! so simple, i KNOW this stuff, yet it was wicked impactful... we ARE enough for our particular situations so long as we approach everything with prayer and WITH LOTS OF LOVE.

cool , huh?

10 march- mom's birthday

2006-03-10T15:20:00.000-05:00

HAppY BIrThdAY MOmMy!

she and i went out for lunch at Anna's and then got together w/ Wayne, Christine and Christopher (step-sister and brother-in-law) on SUnday to celebrate her birthday and Chris and Chris' 2nd anniversary. I am taking her up to Quebec City in April to really do some birthday stuff.

3-5 march

2006-03-08T22:06:00.000-05:00

well these photos have been up for awhile but i never wrote what they are about! doh! over 3-5 march, allie and i drove down to virginia to be with my friends Hope and Dave (and Sam- their soon to arrive baby boy). I needed some time from work, it's been kind of a crappy season so it was good to go away. Dave challenged me the week before "you need to come visit us, come next weekend..... but i know you won't" that's all i needed, a challenge. i rearranged my work schedule and went for a visit.

Friday night i arrived and then we all jumped into their car and headed off to the Cumberland Forest (i think that's the name) to go camping. I was wicked tired but by the time we finally got camp set up and a fire blazing it was totally worth it. so quiet, SO COLD, but awesome. Sat. we hiked around the lake, saw a huge beaver dam and some beaver-toppled trees- cool stuff, i've never seen that before! we had lunch then headed to their friends house to talk about Dave's most recent trip to Niger in Feb. Hope, Dave, Sam and their dog Mulligan are moving to Niger next October for two years to work with Assemblies of God in whatever capacity they are needed. It was cool to hear this group of 20+ people talking about Niger experiences, I was able to reflect on Zambia in similar ways, thinking about certain people over there (i'd like a chance to go back!)

Then we came back sunday afternoon. It was a whirlwind, kind of exhausting (18.5 hours driving, RT) but nice just the same.

Thanks you guys!
:)

lites in the tunnel somewhere in delaware... tweaked in photoshop..

18 february

2006-03-01T22:22:00.000-05:00

heather and george came out to nyc this weekend to celebrate becoming mr. and mrs. poliszuk a YEAR ago this weekend. They got engaged in the city so came here to celebrate. and I got to celebrate too! It was so nice to see them and romp around the city together even though it was like 6 degrees or something ridiculous like that! i met them in the morning, had breakfast, went to Central Park to go ice skating, went to the hugest candy store on earth and then headed back to their hotel to zone out for awhile, eat candy and talk (while being warm!) we went to have yummy bbq and watch a jazz show that evening then i came back home.

it was SO good to be with true heart level friends.
really really good.
thanks for coming guys, and for inviting me out!
:D

17 february

2006-02-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY EMERY! I LOVE YOU!
(and can NOT believe it’s been 11 years since we’ve been blessed with YOU!)

And now it’s been a REALLY long time since I wrote. Thought I might put this to rest but seems it’s not the ‘right time’. I finally got a chance to take a break this evening, after work headed over to a co-workers house to have a glass of wine and just ‘be’ with a few of the ladies from the restaurant.

I have had a few moments lately that have taken me by surprise. Moments when I am finally quiet enough to recognize that I have been here for nearly a YEAR! Heather and George, the 2 who married a year ago, the wedding that directly impacted the decision of WHEN to move back here (as I was a bride’s-maid) are coming to New York City this coming weekend to celebrate their YEAR anniversary! When I was running a week or so ago I was looking around and thinking about life, thinking about the fact that THIS is where I grew up, these streets, these people, this culture. And tonite, the same thing. The response I have is first of surprise and confusion but then instantly….. CALM. I was talking to Georgia today. Haven’t talked with her since I was out there at new years. So we were catching up (Gabriel is walking now, btw! Aw MAN… So fast!)

She asked, “what’s new?”
“nothing really, just working a lot, tired, but really good.”

Then I remembered that I hadn’t told her (nor YOU on this blog) that I applied for Nursing School. A decision I am so thrilled with and peaceful about.

“Are you going to move back out here like you thought you might after a year?”

I didn’t even take moment to think about it. My answer has evolved and has recently stayed consistent.

“no……”
“NO!””I do not remember the last time I felt this type of peace and calm. There are windy roads. I have been going on hikes when I get the chance to get lost in the woods. There is nature everywhere, not concrete. I am peaceful here. YES I am busy with work but I haven’t felt , like Anne of Green Gables described “the depths of despair” in a long time.”

Which, for me, is a milestone in itself.

This is home.
For now.
There’s peace here.
…well for me, at least.

It’s interesting to think back to the spring of 2004. I remember when the thought of moving ‘home’ came up. I remember when I first verbalized it to anyone- it was to Lori O’Keefe (now Ballow, married New years Eve). We had gone out for my lunch break to a mediterranean place on colorabo blvd. we were just chatting away when I decided to be brave enough to tell her how I was feeling in my heart- that I thought I was finally time to move back here. Though sad, she was so excited for me. And so after MUCH thought, prayer and tears and tears and tears I did it… almost a year ago now.

And I have been surrounded with some really cool people! I consider myself SO lucky.
And I have been learning A LOT!

Tonight-this:
Life maybe isn’t so much about ‘getting it right’ the first time, but learning from people you honor and respect. Trip, fall, make mistakes, but at EVERY bump in the road MOVE FORWARD. It’s these experiences in life that grow us, bless us and make us the people we ARE so we can then positively impact others. Who CARES if you are a single mom, made mistakes your first couple relationships. Do you love those kids you have? Do you show your humility and care and concern for others?

It really is the steps of faith, the mistakes, the looking inward but most importantly (in my opinion) the outward expression of the love in your heart that make ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD!

So here I am.
Plugging along, working 63+ hours a week… yet finally understanding that this is where I need to be.
And it’s good.

Karen v.- thanks for your love and encouragement about coming here, about the relationships I was convinced wouldn’t exist that you were ABSOLUTELY SURE would.
You were right!
Thank you.

So I guess the summary of this ENTIRE blog (and my time here) is FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND INTUITION, as quiet as it may be sometimes.. and scary. God seems to be in the quiet things. He’ll be taking the steps WITH you. (cuz he totally ROCKS!)

:D

and on a completely separate note:
…last sat. nite and Sunday we got a blizzard out here- 18” of snow at least! FINALLY, some WINTER! Well for a second at least cuz it’s 50 degrees now, so the snow is going away, but here’s some stuff for you viewing pleasure!

29 january

2006-01-29T18:48:00.000-05:00

I realize i haven't written lately. I wonder how any of this is even interesting to you guys :/

Working and..... working have been the major pursuits these past few weeks, as usual. But i have been starting to weave in some fun time outside. It's been a weird winter, if it can even be called that. The weather has been mostly in the 40's and then every once in awhile it either goes up to 50 or it snows and THEN goes up to 50. I bought some snow pants and boots since i live (i thought!) in a wintery climate, haven't been able to use them yet!

I am trying to take advantage of the mildness, i've been running a lot and have been out in the woods on a trail run three times now- i LOVE that! Out here there's trails through the woods called 'Blue Blazed Trails'.. basically foot worn paths with pale blue spray paint on a tree here and there to assure you you are indeed not lost even though you tend to think you are. Sometimes the blue is so pale that the green lichen on the trees is mistaken for it. doh! So far so good, tho. Today my 2 co-workers Chris ('chrispy') and Luanne ('lulu') and Allie and i went for a 3 hour hike and then had come pizza together. It was really nice to spend some time with these girls to get to know then a little more.

Today Allie found a deer leg.
no joke!
More then grossed out, we were wondering what the heck happened to the rest of the deer! Poor deer, stumbling around..."oh damn, i've lost my leg AGAIN?!?"

A week ago Thursday 3 other women from the restaurant and I got together for a 'wine tasting'. The intent is to brinig a bottle of wine you haven't tried before and get together with the ladies.. turns out we had such a good time, again, getting to know each other. I work with very interesting and amazing women- most are moms and all come with crazy stories of challenge and 'survival'. I feel really blessed and encouraged to be among these women. The restaurant doesn't foster the environment to have good conversation so I really appreciate these times with these women. We're aiming to do the wine thing once a month at someone's house.

I lost 16 pounds, so that's fun (goal is another 8)! I wake up every morning with the thought that my fat has somehow found me again... but wahoooo...it hasn't.

The house is coming along, took a hiatus over Christmas. Mom's been really busy on art work. Looks like she has some really good accounts coming in so maybe this time her hard work is actually going to take off? She's visiting Georgia and the kids right now.

One last thing- I applied for Nursing School this week! I am not as much excited as I am content, the thoughts are just, yeah, this is right, it's what I should have been doing all along. But don't get me wrong, I AM excited. I hope to go to Goodwin College (it's over here) and start in the Fall. I have some pre-req's to take so will be meeting with someone over there this Friday, I hope. I'll get an Associates Degree prepared to take the RN exam in 5 semesters. When I have talked about wanting to do this over the past few months, my friend Angie from the restaurant has mentioned that she has always wanted to do it, too. So after I applied I called her and told her I did and that she should too, if she was serious. Now SHE'S wicked excited too! So hopefully we'll be able to push each other along.

Lately I've been a little discouraged with relationships, or lack there of. Decided to spend some time reading... here's 2 proverbs that jumped right out at me (isn't God cool like that, there's always something in there for our current situation!)

Proverbs 19:2
Desire without knowledge is not good, and one who moves too hurriedly misses the way.

Proverbs 19:27
Cease straying, my child, from the words of knowledge, in order that you may hear instruction.

Hope you guys have a really great week.
And please give me a holler on here to let me know if there's anyone reading this! kinda feel like it might be time to phase it out...

21 january- Allie

2006-01-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

i just need to brag about my 'kid'... she's just the cutest lil' doggie ever! :D

10 january... a country song

2006-01-10T07:29:00.000-05:00

i have heard this song a couple times... it's like the best lyrics i think i've ever heard. probably most of you have heard this before but if not...
be encouraged.
(:

Tim McGraw "Live Like You Were Dying" (see, not ALL country music is bad! (; )

He said I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me
And one moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout' the options and talking bout' sweet times.
I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end
How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?
Man what did ya do?
He said

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

He said I was finally the husband, that most the time I wasn't
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden goin' fishin, wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I finally read the good book, and I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it
What can I do with it
What would I do with it

Skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And man I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

8 jan- comedy

2006-01-08T19:55:00.000-05:00

a friend of mine found this on his banana bright one morning last week.
i cracked up.

so i sent him this in response...

hope they make you guys laugh out loud, too!